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Entertainment

Barry Keoghan to Play Ellen DeGeneres in New Biopic “Degenerate”

DeGeneres says Keoghan's performance as Joker in Matt Reeves' The Batman sold her on him taking the role of her life.
Morgan Tanner -
Entertainment

The Truth About Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s Relationship: Jason Kelce Begs for Help Through Tears: “Save My Brother”

Jason Kelce tearfully begs for help as Travis falls deeper into Taylor Swift’s glittery Illuminati sex cult.
Buck Drayton -
Entertainment

Hilary Duff is Returning to Music After 10 Years, Says Her New Single ‘Heil Hitler’ is Better Than Kanye’s

Disney Channel Original Movie 'My Dog is My Mom' star Hilary Duff says that her song about "Das Führer" is about finding light in the darkness and will uplift the hearts of Agent Cody Banks fans everywhere.
Morgan Tanner -
Science

RFK Jr.’s Brain Worm Not Actually Dead, Speaks to Him Telepathically About Letting Children Contract Measles

Kennedy's brain worm is alive and ready to dominate the greatest country in the world, starting with Texas, the most anti-vaccinated region in the world.
Morgan Tanner -
Science

Harvard Study Shows Mouth Breathing Leads to Longer Life, Fewer Sexual Partners

A new Harvard study finds mouth breathers live longer. The boost in lifespan comes at the cost of romantic invisibility and a face that screams “I still call my mom ‘Mommy.’”
Jett Monument -
World

Pope Leo XIV Threatens to Resign After Only Five Days Because He ‘Can’t Find A Decent Deep Dish In This Goddamn Country’

Pope Leo XIV is considering resignation just five days in, citing not doctrine, but Rome’s tragic lack of Chicago-style deep dish. He called the city’s thin crust a betrayal of both his palate and his faith.
Jett Monument -
NBA

Jason Tatum Out for Remainder of Playoffs After Suffering Catastrophic Injury During Layup Attempt

Jayson Tatum is out of the playoffs after his vagina spontaneously combusted during a mildly contested layup.
Buck Drayton -
Entertainment

Joe Rogan Now Tenured Professor at Harvard- ‘This Is Not An Acid Trip’, It’s An Experience

In a historic academic shift, Joe Rogan was granted tenure at Harvard after his podcast achieved sentience and began guest lecturing on its own.
Buck Drayton -
Science

“Female Orgasm a Myth”, Says Trump Administration’s Head of Sexual Education and Wellness

Head of Sexual Education and Wellness, Dr. Randy P. Whetstone, says that the female orgasm is fictional nonsense created by the woke mainstream liberal media to make white men feel bad about themselves.
Morgan Tanner -
Entertainment

Marvel Renames Thunderbolts* to ‘Marvel’s Leftovers’, Stunned to Learn People Will Watch Literally Anything

Marvel has rebranded Thunderbolts* as Marvel’s Leftovers, and audiences are still buying tickets. Apparently, all it takes is a logo and Florence Pugh.
Jett Monument -
Business

Egg Shortage Over, But Restaurants Keep Prices High Because “You Dumbasses Will Keep Paying Anyway”

Eggs are back, but prices haven’t cracked. Diners are still paying premium rates while restaurants laugh all the way to the bank.
Jett Monument -
Entertainment

Taylor Swift Embarks on 25-City Tour Where She Just Sleeps on Stage After Eras Tour Exhaustion

Taylor Swift has officially kicked off her “Zzz Tour,” a 25-city spectacle where she does nothing but sleep on stage — and fans are paying thousands to watch her nap in peace.
Jett Monument -

POLITICS

Democrat

Nancy Pelosi Votes Against Stock Trade Exclusion Bill for Politicians, Says Insider Trading Meeting She Had Before Lunch Will Help Husband’s Portfolio

Speaker Pelosi has demonstrated a Nostradamus-level of foresight into what stocks will soar and which will tank, leading to a fortune for her and her husband.
Morgan Tanner -
Democrat

Former President Obama Says Biden Won’t Stop Showing Up in the Middle of the Night Yelling About Prohibition

Former President Biden has allegedly dumped thousands of dollars of wine down the drains of Former President Obama's private residence, while claiming "The G-Men know everything!"
Morgan Tanner -
Entertainment

Jeffrey Epstein Did Not Commit Suicide, says Trump Administration, “He Tripped and Accidentally Hung Himself”

Jeffrey Epstein did not kill himself but simply slipped, wrapped a sheet around his own neck, accidentally fashioned it into a noose, and mistakenly hung it from the ceiling.
Morgan Tanner -
Democrat

Bill Clinton Says He Prefers Latinas, Sad to See Them Deported

Hillary Clinton smacks husband Bill on the back of the head at the Democratic National Convention after former President states he loves watching Latinas twerk on TikTok.
Morgan Tanner -
Science

“Female Orgasm a Myth”, Says Trump Administration’s Head of Sexual Education and Wellness

Head of Sexual Education and Wellness, Dr. Randy P. Whetstone, says that the female orgasm is fictional nonsense created by the woke mainstream liberal media to make white men feel bad about themselves.
Morgan Tanner -
Science

RFK Jr.’s Brain Worm Not Actually Dead, Speaks to Him Telepathically About Letting Children Contract Measles

Kennedy's brain worm is alive and ready to dominate the greatest country in the world, starting with Texas, the most anti-vaccinated region in the world.
Morgan Tanner -
Politics

Donald Trump Condemns Hillary Clinton for Accepting Political Gifts While Aboard New Boeing 747 from Kelly Ortberg

President Trump says that his acceptance of planes as gifts are hardly against the Constitution because it was written before planes were invented and therefore are exempt.
Morgan Tanner -
Politics

Donald Trump Condemns Hillary Clinton for Accepting Political Gifts While Aboard New Boeing 747 from Kelly Ortberg

President Trump says that his acceptance of planes as gifts are hardly against the Constitution because it was written before planes were invented and therefore are exempt.
Morgan Tanner -
Science

US Secretary of Health Robert F Kennedy Jr. Says “Vaccines Cause Autism but Heroin Builds Character”

RFK Jr. says he doesn't trust the government putting "foreign substances" in his body but if you know where to find "premo Colombian heroin", then that's a different story.
Morgan Tanner -
Politics

Trump Vows to Do Better After Visit from Ghost of Christmas Future that May Have Just Been Mitch McConnell

President Donald Trump says he was told to stop being such a piece of shit by a ghost at his bedside who resembles Republican Senator McConnell (KY).
Morgan Tanner -
Entertainment

RFK Jr. Claims Dragons, Orcs, Elves are “Very Real” After Bumping into Warwick Davis at Downtown Applebee’s

RFK Jr.’s encounter with actor Warwick Davis at a local Applebee's resulted in a declaration that a task force is to look into the existence of mythological beings immediately.
Morgan Tanner -
Republican

Donald Trump Signs Executive Order to Bring Orange Makeup Manufacturing Back to America

Donald Trump aims his tariff cannon at the world but turns his sights away from Indonesia where they produce the fine orange powder he puts on his face.
Morgan Tanner -

Business

Science

Actress & Pseudoscientist Gwyneth Paltrow Says Shoving Used Tea Bags Up Your Ass Absorbs Colon Cancer Cells

Mediocre actress and founder of Goop, Gwyneth Paltrow says that the cure for cancer can be found in the aisles of your local Whole Foods.
Morgan Tanner -
Business

Egg Shortage Over, But Restaurants Keep Prices High Because “You Dumbasses Will Keep Paying Anyway”

Eggs are back, but prices haven’t cracked. Diners are still paying premium rates while restaurants laugh all the way to the bank.
Jett Monument -
Politics

Trump Vows to Do Better After Visit from Ghost of Christmas Future that May Have Just Been Mitch McConnell

President Donald Trump says he was told to stop being such a piece of shit by a ghost at his bedside who resembles Republican Senator McConnell (KY).
Morgan Tanner -
Republican

Donald Trump Signs Executive Order to Bring Orange Makeup Manufacturing Back to America

Donald Trump aims his tariff cannon at the world but turns his sights away from Indonesia where they produce the fine orange powder he puts on his face.
Morgan Tanner -
Politics

Trump Announces Bold Executive Order to Cut Prices of Hard Drugs, Citing “Outrageously High Street Costs”

Trump announced a plan to cut street drug prices with “Patriot Drug Outlets” and TRUMP SPEED meth, leaving experts baffled and critics stunned by the surreal proposal.
Buck Drayton -
Politics

Bill Gates Accuses Elon Musk of “Mass Baby Slaughter via Spreadsheet,” Declares DOGECOIN a “Weapon of Geographical Ignorance”

Bill Gates called Elon Musk a baby killer over foreign aid cuts and slammed DOGE as a “currency for the geographically clueless,” claiming it was made by people who think Mozambique is a tech startup.
Buck Drayton -

FMA NEWS OFFICIAL MERCHANDISE!

EXCLUSIVES

Science

US Secretary of Health Robert F Kennedy Jr. Says “Vaccines Cause Autism but Heroin Builds Character”

RFK Jr. says he doesn't trust the government putting "foreign substances" in his body but if you know where to find "premo Colombian heroin", then that's a different story.
Morgan Tanner -
Politics

Trump Vows to Do Better After Visit from Ghost of Christmas Future that May Have Just Been Mitch McConnell

President Donald Trump says he was told to stop being such a piece of shit by a ghost at his bedside who resembles Republican Senator McConnell (KY).
Morgan Tanner -
Republican

Lauren Boebert Demands Marjorie Taylor Greene Prove Gender After Run-In at Courthouse Women’s Restroom

Colorado Rep. Lauren Boebert claims Georgia Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene should be "deported" if Greene can't prove she is a biological female after bathroom mix-up.
Morgan Tanner -
NFL

NFL Raking In So Much Cash, Officials Say “Screw It, Give CTE a Sponsorship Deal”

The NFL, now so wildly profitable it defies ethics and gravity, has decided to tackle the CTE crisis by branding it, sponsoring it, and possibly turning it into a halftime show.
Buck Drayton -
Entertainment

The Truth About Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s Relationship: Jason Kelce Begs for Help Through Tears: “Save My Brother”

Jason Kelce tearfully begs for help as Travis falls deeper into Taylor Swift’s glittery Illuminati sex cult.
Buck Drayton -
NBA

Dallas Mavericks Land #1 Pick After Trading Luka Dončić to Lakers, Involving “Deeply Inappropriate” Acts by Front Office

The Mavericks somehow landed the No. 1 pick after GM Nico Harrison allegedly did unspeakable things and Mark Cuban summoned dark billionaire magic.
Buck Drayton -
Exclusive

RFK Jr.’s Voice Actually Normal, Admits He Just Thought Sounding Like That Would Be Funnier and More Relatable

RFK Jr. stunned the nation today by revealing his famously strained voice isn’t from a disorder — he just thought it made him sound more relatable. Doctors are furious. America is confused. And apparently, he sings like a damn Disney prince.
Jett Monument -
Politics

Trump Announces Bold Executive Order to Cut Prices of Hard Drugs, Citing “Outrageously High Street Costs”

Trump announced a plan to cut street drug prices with “Patriot Drug Outlets” and TRUMP SPEED meth, leaving experts baffled and critics stunned by the surreal proposal.
Buck Drayton -

Entertainment

Entertainment

Barry Keoghan to Play Ellen DeGeneres in New Biopic “Degenerate”

DeGeneres says Keoghan's performance as Joker in Matt Reeves' The Batman sold her on him taking the role of her life.
Morgan Tanner -
Entertainment

Hilary Duff is Returning to Music After 10 Years, Says Her New Single ‘Heil Hitler’ is Better Than Kanye’s

Disney Channel Original Movie 'My Dog is My Mom' star Hilary Duff says that her song about "Das Führer" is about finding light in the darkness and will uplift the hearts of Agent Cody Banks fans everywhere.
Morgan Tanner -
Entertainment

Marvel Renames Thunderbolts* to ‘Marvel’s Leftovers’, Stunned to Learn People Will Watch Literally Anything

Marvel has rebranded Thunderbolts* as Marvel’s Leftovers, and audiences are still buying tickets. Apparently, all it takes is a logo and Florence Pugh.
Jett Monument -
Science

Actress & Pseudoscientist Gwyneth Paltrow Says Shoving Used Tea Bags Up Your Ass Absorbs Colon Cancer Cells

Mediocre actress and founder of Goop, Gwyneth Paltrow says that the cure for cancer can be found in the aisles of your local Whole Foods.
Morgan Tanner -
Entertainment

The Truth About Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s Relationship: Jason Kelce Begs for Help Through Tears: “Save My Brother”

Jason Kelce tearfully begs for help as Travis falls deeper into Taylor Swift’s glittery Illuminati sex cult.
Buck Drayton -
Entertainment

Taylor Swift Embarks on 25-City Tour Where She Just Sleeps on Stage After Eras Tour Exhaustion

Taylor Swift has officially kicked off her “Zzz Tour,” a 25-city spectacle where she does nothing but sleep on stage — and fans are paying thousands to watch her nap in peace.
Jett Monument -
spot_img

All articles

Entertainment

Barry Keoghan to Play Ellen DeGeneres in New Biopic “Degenerate”

DeGeneres says Keoghan's performance as Joker in Matt Reeves' The Batman sold her on him taking the role of her life.
Morgan Tanner -
Science

“Female Orgasm a Myth”, Says Trump Administration’s Head of Sexual Education and Wellness

Head of Sexual Education and Wellness, Dr. Randy P. Whetstone, says that the female orgasm is fictional nonsense created by the woke mainstream liberal media to make white men feel bad about themselves.
Morgan Tanner -
Entertainment

Hilary Duff is Returning to Music After 10 Years, Says Her New Single ‘Heil Hitler’ is Better Than Kanye’s

Disney Channel Original Movie 'My Dog is My Mom' star Hilary Duff says that her song about "Das Führer" is about finding light in the darkness and will uplift the hearts of Agent Cody Banks fans everywhere.
Morgan Tanner -
Science

RFK Jr.’s Brain Worm Not Actually Dead, Speaks to Him Telepathically About Letting Children Contract Measles

Kennedy's brain worm is alive and ready to dominate the greatest country in the world, starting with Texas, the most anti-vaccinated region in the world.
Morgan Tanner -
Entertainment

Marvel Renames Thunderbolts* to ‘Marvel’s Leftovers’, Stunned to Learn People Will Watch Literally Anything

Marvel has rebranded Thunderbolts* as Marvel’s Leftovers, and audiences are still buying tickets. Apparently, all it takes is a logo and Florence Pugh.
Jett Monument -
Science

Actress & Pseudoscientist Gwyneth Paltrow Says Shoving Used Tea Bags Up Your Ass Absorbs Colon Cancer Cells

Mediocre actress and founder of Goop, Gwyneth Paltrow says that the cure for cancer can be found in the aisles of your local Whole Foods.
Morgan Tanner -
Politics

Donald Trump Condemns Hillary Clinton for Accepting Political Gifts While Aboard New Boeing 747 from Kelly Ortberg

President Trump says that his acceptance of planes as gifts are hardly against the Constitution because it was written before planes were invented and therefore are exempt.
Morgan Tanner -
Science

US Secretary of Health Robert F Kennedy Jr. Says “Vaccines Cause Autism but Heroin Builds Character”

RFK Jr. says he doesn't trust the government putting "foreign substances" in his body but if you know where to find "premo Colombian heroin", then that's a different story.
Morgan Tanner -
Business

Egg Shortage Over, But Restaurants Keep Prices High Because “You Dumbasses Will Keep Paying Anyway”

Eggs are back, but prices haven’t cracked. Diners are still paying premium rates while restaurants laugh all the way to the bank.
Jett Monument -
Load more

DISCLAIMER: This website is a parody and purely satirical. Almost nothing here is true. It’s nearly all made up and should not be taken seriously. Any resemblance to real people and events are either coincidental or hilariously intentional.

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