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Trump: “There is No List!”, Claims Epstein Friendship Ended After Being Removed from Top 8 on Myspace in 2004

47th President Donald Trump says Epstein must have killed himself in his sleep, as he was clearly innocent since there is no "Epstein List" to speak of.

Deep State Claims All Democrats are Lizard People, Clintons Take Offense, Pull Back Masks to Reveal Amphibian Origins

In a tune that is most accurately described equivalent to a song by Future, the Clinton's have been exposed as frog people who originate from miles beneath the earth's surface.

Biden to Run in 2036 as Sentient Brain in Jar, Backed by Hunter, Jill, and Google Docs

President Biden has officially become the first U.S. leader to run for office as a sentient brain suspended in government-funded Jell-O.

Pete Buttigieg Officially Changes Name to “Bootygieg” in Bold Rebrand Aimed at Gen Z

Former Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg rebrands as “Pete Bootygieg” in a bold bid to connect with Gen Z and make infrastructure go viral — one slice of cake at a time.

Donald Trump Condemns Hillary Clinton for Accepting Political Gifts While Aboard New Boeing 747 from Kelly Ortberg

President Trump says that his acceptance of planes as gifts are hardly against the Constitution because it was written before planes were invented and therefore are exempt.

Homeland Security Subpoenas Entire State of California for Allegedly Handing Out Cash, Cupcakes, and Jet Skis to Illegal Immigrants

Homeland Security subpoenaed California over wild claims it’s giving illegal immigrants cash, cupcakes, and jet skis—basically a game show prize package. State officials replied, “If only we had that kind of budget for everyone.”

Nancy Pelosi Votes Against Stock Trade Exclusion Bill for Politicians, Says Insider Trading Meeting She Had Before Lunch Will Help Husband’s Portfolio

Speaker Pelosi has demonstrated a Nostradamus-level of foresight into what stocks will soar and which will tank, leading to a fortune for her and her husband.

Former President Obama Says Biden Won’t Stop Showing Up in the Middle of the Night Yelling About Prohibition

Former President Biden has allegedly dumped thousands of dollars of wine down the drains of Former President Obama's private residence, while claiming "The G-Men know everything!"

Jeffrey Epstein Did Not Commit Suicide, says Trump Administration, “He Tripped and Accidentally Hung Himself”

Jeffrey Epstein did not kill himself but simply slipped, wrapped a sheet around his own neck, accidentally fashioned it into a noose, and mistakenly hung it from the ceiling.

Trump: “There is No List!”, Claims Epstein Friendship Ended After Being Removed from Top 8 on Myspace in 2004

47th President Donald Trump says Epstein must have killed himself in his sleep, as he was clearly innocent since there is no "Epstein List" to speak of.

Deep State Claims All Democrats are Lizard People, Clintons Take Offense, Pull Back Masks to Reveal Amphibian Origins

In a tune that is most accurately described equivalent to a song by Future, the Clinton's have been exposed as frog people who originate from miles beneath the earth's surface.

Biden to Run in 2036 as Sentient Brain in Jar, Backed by Hunter, Jill, and Google Docs

President Biden has officially become the first U.S. leader to run for office as a sentient brain suspended in government-funded Jell-O.

Pete Buttigieg Officially Changes Name to “Bootygieg” in Bold Rebrand Aimed at Gen Z

Former Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg rebrands as “Pete Bootygieg” in a bold bid to connect with Gen Z and make infrastructure go viral — one slice of cake at a time.

Donald Trump Condemns Hillary Clinton for Accepting Political Gifts While Aboard New Boeing 747 from Kelly Ortberg

President Trump says that his acceptance of planes as gifts are hardly against the Constitution because it was written before planes were invented and therefore are exempt.

Homeland Security Subpoenas Entire State of California for Allegedly Handing Out Cash, Cupcakes, and Jet Skis to Illegal Immigrants

Homeland Security subpoenaed California over wild claims it’s giving illegal immigrants cash, cupcakes, and jet skis—basically a game show prize package. State officials replied, “If only we had that kind of budget for everyone.”

Nancy Pelosi Votes Against Stock Trade Exclusion Bill for Politicians, Says Insider Trading Meeting She Had Before Lunch Will Help Husband’s Portfolio

Speaker Pelosi has demonstrated a Nostradamus-level of foresight into what stocks will soar and which will tank, leading to a fortune for her and her husband.

Former President Obama Says Biden Won’t Stop Showing Up in the Middle of the Night Yelling About Prohibition

Former President Biden has allegedly dumped thousands of dollars of wine down the drains of Former President Obama's private residence, while claiming "The G-Men know everything!"

Jeffrey Epstein Did Not Commit Suicide, says Trump Administration, “He Tripped and Accidentally Hung Himself”

Jeffrey Epstein did not kill himself but simply slipped, wrapped a sheet around his own neck, accidentally fashioned it into a noose, and mistakenly hung it from the ceiling.
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Latest News

Nation Faces Black Printer Ink Shortage as Epstein Files Are Released by Current Administration

The Trump Administration has caused a black ink shortage nationwide at the time of the release of the documentation of the infamous Jeffrey Epstein investigation.

Burger King Rebrands as ‘Burger Queen’ After Royal Fast Food Patron Accused of Visiting Epstein’s Island

The "home of the Whopper" will now have dual meaning after the King of fast food burgers has been accused of illicit behavior on Little St. James, better known as "Epstein Island".

“Five Stars. Would Get Abducted Again,” Says Man Returned By Aliens

Trevor Haskins returned after a week with extraterrestrials, calling the whole thing more vacation than abduction. Officials are baffled, neighbors are uneasy, and he’s already hoping for a return trip.

Game to “Boost Morale” While Nation Descends into Chaos

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the federal government remains closed for the 19th consecutive day,...