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HAPPENING NOW

Speaker Mike Johnson: "I thought Grindr was app for skateboarding videos!"

LIVE UPDATES: The Epstein List allegedly redacted Trump’s name 36,927 times.

Republican

Nation Faces Black Printer Ink Shortage as Epstein Files Are Released by Current Administration

The Trump Administration has caused a black ink shortage nationwide at the time of the release of the documentation of the infamous Jeffrey Epstein investigation.
Morgan Tanner -
Exclusive

“Five Stars. Would Get Abducted Again,” Says Man Returned By Aliens

Trevor Haskins returned after a week with extraterrestrials, calling the whole thing more vacation than abduction. Officials are baffled, neighbors are uneasy, and he’s already hoping for a return trip.
Jett Monument -
NEWS

Game to “Boost Morale” While Nation Descends into Chaos

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the federal government remains closed for the 19th consecutive day,...
Buck Drayton -
Entertainment

AMC Introduces New “Bedflix Bangers” Featuring Full Beds for Guests Who Can’t Wait to Ruin Movies with Sex

AMC revolutionizes moviegoing with new Cine-Suites—plush beds replacing seats—so guests can finally get freaky without fighting an armrest.
Buck Drayton -
Republican

Republican Speaker Mike Johnson Says Recent Grindr Scandal at RNC is Fake News While Wiping Semen from Chin

RNC Chairman David Waters says that the Republican representatives forgetting to turn off their Grindr Alerts was the result of the confusing UI of iOS 26.
Morgan Tanner -
Politics

9mm Bullet in Critical Condition After Colliding with Conservative Commentator

A 9mm bullet was minding its own business when it inadvertently came into contact with a conservative social media personality.
Morgan Tanner -
Politics

President Trump: “Why aren’t you asking the Clintons about Epstein? Bill was there, too!”

Trump's latest late night Truth Social rants seem to incriminate himself as much as President Clinton regarding the alleged attendees on Epstein Island, Little Saint James.
Morgan Tanner -
Politics

Trump Says 8 Years as President is “Too Young”, More Attracted to 13 Year Term

President Trump is seen holding a cheap Etsy replica of the Nobel Prize with his face on it while rambling about thirteen-year-olds practically being adults.
Morgan Tanner -
Science

Nation’s Children Confirmed to Be Nighttime Demons, Experts Suggest Holy Water and Night-Locks

Children who sleepwalk are one hundred times more likely to make parents shit their pants.
Buck Drayton -
Business

Burger King Rebrands as ‘Burger Queen’ After Royal Fast Food Patron Accused of Visiting Epstein’s Island

The "home of the Whopper" will now have dual meaning after the King of fast food burgers has been accused of illicit behavior on Little St. James, better known as "Epstein Island".
Morgan Tanner -
NEWS

Utah Police Grapple With “Homosexual Epidemic” After Bullet Casings Found at Political Shooting Scene

A routine investigation has spiraled into an unexpected crisis after evidence sparked what officers are calling a wave of sudden identity shifts. Leaders insist the situation is contained, though reports suggest the atmosphere inside precincts has changed dramatically.
Jett Monument -
Politics

Donald Trump Shows Signs of a Stroke, Says Strokes are a Democratic Hoax, Then Blames Biden for His Stroke

Trump's health begins to decline as the President ends a press conference asking if anyone else "smells toast" before demanding his be covered in extra butter.
Morgan Tanner -
NEWS

Trump Greenlights $200 Million White House Food Court Featuring First-Ever Presidential Chili’s

International relations could soon be served with a side of sizzling fajitas as the White House readies a bold multi-million dollar upgrade focused more on flavor than foreign policy.
Jett Monument -

POLITICS

Republican

Republican Speaker Mike Johnson Says Recent Grindr Scandal at RNC is Fake News While Wiping Semen from Chin

RNC Chairman David Waters says that the Republican representatives forgetting to turn off their Grindr Alerts was the result of the confusing UI of iOS 26.
Morgan Tanner -
Politics

Donald Trump Shows Signs of a Stroke, Says Strokes are a Democratic Hoax, Then Blames Biden for His Stroke

Trump's health begins to decline as the President ends a press conference asking if anyone else "smells toast" before demanding his be covered in extra butter.
Morgan Tanner -
Politics

9mm Bullet in Critical Condition After Colliding with Conservative Commentator

A 9mm bullet was minding its own business when it inadvertently came into contact with a conservative social media personality.
Morgan Tanner -
Republican

Nation Faces Black Printer Ink Shortage as Epstein Files Are Released by Current Administration

The Trump Administration has caused a black ink shortage nationwide at the time of the release of the documentation of the infamous Jeffrey Epstein investigation.
Morgan Tanner -
NEWS

Game to “Boost Morale” While Nation Descends into Chaos

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the federal government remains closed for the 19th consecutive day,...
Buck Drayton -
Politics

President Trump: “Why aren’t you asking the Clintons about Epstein? Bill was there, too!”

Trump's latest late night Truth Social rants seem to incriminate himself as much as President Clinton regarding the alleged attendees on Epstein Island, Little Saint James.
Morgan Tanner -
Politics

Trump Says 8 Years as President is “Too Young”, More Attracted to 13 Year Term

President Trump is seen holding a cheap Etsy replica of the Nobel Prize with his face on it while rambling about thirteen-year-olds practically being adults.
Morgan Tanner -
NEWS

Trump Greenlights $200 Million White House Food Court Featuring First-Ever Presidential Chili’s

International relations could soon be served with a side of sizzling fajitas as the White House readies a bold multi-million dollar upgrade focused more on flavor than foreign policy.
Jett Monument -

Business

Republican

Nation Faces Black Printer Ink Shortage as Epstein Files Are Released by Current Administration

The Trump Administration has caused a black ink shortage nationwide at the time of the release of the documentation of the infamous Jeffrey Epstein investigation.
Morgan Tanner -
Business

Burger King Rebrands as ‘Burger Queen’ After Royal Fast Food Patron Accused of Visiting Epstein’s Island

The "home of the Whopper" will now have dual meaning after the King of fast food burgers has been accused of illicit behavior on Little St. James, better known as "Epstein Island".
Morgan Tanner -
Republican

Republican Speaker Mike Johnson Says Recent Grindr Scandal at RNC is Fake News While Wiping Semen from Chin

RNC Chairman David Waters says that the Republican representatives forgetting to turn off their Grindr Alerts was the result of the confusing UI of iOS 26.
Morgan Tanner -
NEWS

Trump Greenlights $200 Million White House Food Court Featuring First-Ever Presidential Chili’s

International relations could soon be served with a side of sizzling fajitas as the White House readies a bold multi-million dollar upgrade focused more on flavor than foreign policy.
Jett Monument -
Business

President Trump Caught Cheating at Monopoly, Changes the Rules to Avoid Going to Jail

Trump reportedly swapped out a stack of Action Cards with Jeffrey Epstein's business cards, allowing the player to get of jail in a single turn by committing suicide.
Morgan Tanner -
World

GOP Pushes New Legislation Lowering Age of Consent to 16, “Considerably Lower” in US Territories

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) says the bill will pass ahead of his planned trip to the Virgin Islands in a completely unrelated pre-scheduled vacation.
Morgan Tanner -
Politics

Trump to Sue ABC, CBS, FOX, NAACP, NHL, The MIB, PBS, S.H.I.E.L.D., WNBA, and Others Amidst Epstein Files Scandal

Trump is furious with all acronyms in the media after they all seemingly report on irrefutable evidence that Trump owned a time share on Epstein Island.
Morgan Tanner -
Business

As RFK Jr. Moves to Ban Red 40, Scientists Unveil Red 69 As An All-Natural Alternative

As synthetic dyes are on the chopping block, scientists are racing to find a safer solution that still manages to hit the sweet spot.
Jett Monument -

FMA NEWS OFFICIAL MERCHANDISE!

EXCLUSIVES

Exclusive

“Five Stars. Would Get Abducted Again,” Says Man Returned By Aliens

Trevor Haskins returned after a week with extraterrestrials, calling the whole thing more vacation than abduction. Officials are baffled, neighbors are uneasy, and he’s already hoping for a return trip.
Jett Monument -
NEWS

Utah Police Grapple With “Homosexual Epidemic” After Bullet Casings Found at Political Shooting Scene

A routine investigation has spiraled into an unexpected crisis after evidence sparked what officers are calling a wave of sudden identity shifts. Leaders insist the situation is contained, though reports suggest the atmosphere inside precincts has changed dramatically.
Jett Monument -
Politics

Donald Trump Shows Signs of a Stroke, Says Strokes are a Democratic Hoax, Then Blames Biden for His Stroke

Trump's health begins to decline as the President ends a press conference asking if anyone else "smells toast" before demanding his be covered in extra butter.
Morgan Tanner -
Politics

9mm Bullet in Critical Condition After Colliding with Conservative Commentator

A 9mm bullet was minding its own business when it inadvertently came into contact with a conservative social media personality.
Morgan Tanner -
Republican

Republican Speaker Mike Johnson Says Recent Grindr Scandal at RNC is Fake News While Wiping Semen from Chin

RNC Chairman David Waters says that the Republican representatives forgetting to turn off their Grindr Alerts was the result of the confusing UI of iOS 26.
Morgan Tanner -
Science

Nation’s Children Confirmed to Be Nighttime Demons, Experts Suggest Holy Water and Night-Locks

Children who sleepwalk are one hundred times more likely to make parents shit their pants.
Buck Drayton -
NEWS

Trump Greenlights $200 Million White House Food Court Featuring First-Ever Presidential Chili’s

International relations could soon be served with a side of sizzling fajitas as the White House readies a bold multi-million dollar upgrade focused more on flavor than foreign policy.
Jett Monument -

Entertainment

Republican

Nation Faces Black Printer Ink Shortage as Epstein Files Are Released by Current Administration

The Trump Administration has caused a black ink shortage nationwide at the time of the release of the documentation of the infamous Jeffrey Epstein investigation.
Morgan Tanner -
Business

President Trump Caught Cheating at Monopoly, Changes the Rules to Avoid Going to Jail

Trump reportedly swapped out a stack of Action Cards with Jeffrey Epstein's business cards, allowing the player to get of jail in a single turn by committing suicide.
Morgan Tanner -
Entertainment

Fox News Rebrands as Liberal Outlet After Trump Backlash, Replaces Entire Lineup with Democrats and Progressives

In an unexpected ideological overhaul, the once far-right-leaning network is embracing a new political direction, leaving longtime viewers stunned and party lines blurred.
Jett Monument -
Entertainment

Kanye West Announces He Has Converted to Judaism, Can Now Use Jewish Slurs with Impunity

Rapper and Nazi memorabilia mogul Kanye West says that he is now a double-minority class and that Adidas can't do shit about what he says after converting to Judaism.
Morgan Tanner -
Entertainment

Disney Inc. Says They’ll Proceed with Thawing Walt from Cryostasis, Apparently Satisfied with Success of Nazi Uprising in America

The company says with the rise of fascism, it is time to awaken Führer Walter Adolf Disney and "Make America Goose-step Again".
Morgan Tanner -
Entertainment

Nebraska Man Wins $421 Million Mega Millions Jackpot, Goes to Vegas, Loses It All “To Feel Something”

Donny Klemme won Nebraska’s Mega Millions jackpot and lost it all in Vegas within 48 hours. He now has no money—just stories, T-shirts, a questionable tattoo, and zero regrets.
Jett Monument -
Entertainment

Big Bird Under Fire After Elmo’s Digital Disaster Sends Sesame Street Into Full Damage Control

The usual lessons about kindness and cooperation have given way to locked accounts, backstage tension, and a growing sense that something’s not quite right on Sesame Street.
Jett Monument -
Entertainment

Local Man Marries Minecraft Villager After Building Entire City and Abandoning Real Life

After failing to fall in love in real life, one man built a full Minecraft city, married a pixelated villager, and is now undergoing surgery to become more blocky in hopes of finally fitting into a world that isn’t coded to reject him.
Jett Monument -

All articles

Republican

Nation Faces Black Printer Ink Shortage as Epstein Files Are Released by Current Administration

The Trump Administration has caused a black ink shortage nationwide at the time of the release of the documentation of the infamous Jeffrey Epstein investigation.
Morgan Tanner -
Business

Burger King Rebrands as ‘Burger Queen’ After Royal Fast Food Patron Accused of Visiting Epstein’s Island

The "home of the Whopper" will now have dual meaning after the King of fast food burgers has been accused of illicit behavior on Little St. James, better known as "Epstein Island".
Morgan Tanner -
Exclusive

“Five Stars. Would Get Abducted Again,” Says Man Returned By Aliens

Trevor Haskins returned after a week with extraterrestrials, calling the whole thing more vacation than abduction. Officials are baffled, neighbors are uneasy, and he’s already hoping for a return trip.
Jett Monument -
NEWS

Game to “Boost Morale” While Nation Descends into Chaos

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the federal government remains closed for the 19th consecutive day,...
Buck Drayton -
Entertainment

AMC Introduces New “Bedflix Bangers” Featuring Full Beds for Guests Who Can’t Wait to Ruin Movies with Sex

AMC revolutionizes moviegoing with new Cine-Suites—plush beds replacing seats—so guests can finally get freaky without fighting an armrest.
Buck Drayton -
Republican

Republican Speaker Mike Johnson Says Recent Grindr Scandal at RNC is Fake News While Wiping Semen from Chin

RNC Chairman David Waters says that the Republican representatives forgetting to turn off their Grindr Alerts was the result of the confusing UI of iOS 26.
Morgan Tanner -
NEWS

Utah Police Grapple With “Homosexual Epidemic” After Bullet Casings Found at Political Shooting Scene

A routine investigation has spiraled into an unexpected crisis after evidence sparked what officers are calling a wave of sudden identity shifts. Leaders insist the situation is contained, though reports suggest the atmosphere inside precincts has changed dramatically.
Jett Monument -
Politics

Donald Trump Shows Signs of a Stroke, Says Strokes are a Democratic Hoax, Then Blames Biden for His Stroke

Trump's health begins to decline as the President ends a press conference asking if anyone else "smells toast" before demanding his be covered in extra butter.
Morgan Tanner -
Politics

9mm Bullet in Critical Condition After Colliding with Conservative Commentator

A 9mm bullet was minding its own business when it inadvertently came into contact with a conservative social media personality.
Morgan Tanner -
Politics

President Trump: “Why aren’t you asking the Clintons about Epstein? Bill was there, too!”

Trump's latest late night Truth Social rants seem to incriminate himself as much as President Clinton regarding the alleged attendees on Epstein Island, Little Saint James.
Morgan Tanner -
Politics

Trump Says 8 Years as President is “Too Young”, More Attracted to 13 Year Term

President Trump is seen holding a cheap Etsy replica of the Nobel Prize with his face on it while rambling about thirteen-year-olds practically being adults.
Morgan Tanner -
Science

Nation’s Children Confirmed to Be Nighttime Demons, Experts Suggest Holy Water and Night-Locks

Children who sleepwalk are one hundred times more likely to make parents shit their pants.
Buck Drayton -
NEWS

Trump Greenlights $200 Million White House Food Court Featuring First-Ever Presidential Chili’s

International relations could soon be served with a side of sizzling fajitas as the White House readies a bold multi-million dollar upgrade focused more on flavor than foreign policy.
Jett Monument -
NEWS

Groundbreaking Study Reveals Men’s Urinal Techniques Fall Into Four Bizarre, Deeply Troubling Categories

New Study Confirms What We All Feared: There Is Absolutely No Normal Way for a Man to Use a Urinal
Buck Drayton -
Business

President Trump Caught Cheating at Monopoly, Changes the Rules to Avoid Going to Jail

Trump reportedly swapped out a stack of Action Cards with Jeffrey Epstein's business cards, allowing the player to get of jail in a single turn by committing suicide.
Morgan Tanner -
Load more

DISCLAIMER: This website is a parody and purely satirical. Almost nothing here is true. It’s nearly all made up and should not be taken seriously. Any resemblance to real people and events are either coincidental or hilariously intentional.

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