WASHINGTON, D.C. — During today’s solemn 9/11 memorial service, President Donald Trump appeared visibly unwell when the entire right side of his face began to droop. Attendees initially speculated it might be a sign of deep patriotic emotion until medical professionals suggested it looked far more like a stroke.

This incident follows a recent string of suspiciously polished video addresses released from Trump’s administration over the last few days in which his speeches appeared suspiciously coherent, articulate, and—most damning of all—punctuation-aware. Many viewers suspected these were AI-generated videos, perhaps created by ChatGPT. Now, critics suggest the reason was simple: the real Trump may have been far too unwell to deliver updates himself.

Hours later, Trump shuffled into the White House press room to confront the allegations. “Another Democratic Hoax!” he barked, insisting his drooping face was merely the result of “being too strong on one side.” Minutes later, however, he pivoted—literally—and claimed that President Joe Biden had somehow caused his stroke directly. Of course, his attempt to explain this faltered as the left side of his face also began to droop as if it were in a race with the right side to see which could end up droopier by the end of the press conference.

The briefing concluded on an even stranger note, as Trump suddenly asked if anyone else smelled toast. “Make sure mine is covered in Knott’s Berry Farm Boysenberry, with extra butter,” he demanded, before a presidential aide gently reminded him there was, in fact, no toast present, and that his doctor had explicitly banned butter to prevent what they delicately referred to as “a third stroke.”

One has to appreciate the unintentional allegory here as Trump’s left side is seemingly that much stronger than the right. Is it allegory, irony or both? In any case, it is pretty damn on the nose face.