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NEWS

Game to “Boost Morale” While Nation Descends into Chaos

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the federal government remains closed for the 19th consecutive day,...
Buck Drayton -
Politics

Trump Signs Executive Order Allowing Him Entry Into Any Women’s Locker or Changing Room at Any Time

"These locker rooms are supposed to be a safe place. And to keep them safe, I need to be there to stop filthy democrats from walking in whenever they want." -President Trump
Morgan Tanner -
Politics

Trump to Sue ABC, CBS, FOX, NAACP, NHL, The MIB, PBS, S.H.I.E.L.D., WNBA, and Others Amidst Epstein Files Scandal

Trump is furious with all acronyms in the media after they all seemingly report on irrefutable evidence that Trump owned a time share on Epstein Island.
Morgan Tanner -
Sports

League of Legends Pro Tests Positive for Steroids, Gets Suspended and Grounded by His Mom

Under pressure to perform, Tyler “NyteRayvn69” Blevmont made the wrong kind of gains. Now the league is cracking down, and his fans are feeling deceived.
Jett Monument -
NBA

Jason Tatum Out for Remainder of Playoffs After Suffering Catastrophic Injury During Layup Attempt

Jayson Tatum is out of the playoffs after his vagina spontaneously combusted during a mildly contested layup.
Buck Drayton -
NFL

NFL Raking In So Much Cash, Officials Say “Screw It, Give CTE a Sponsorship Deal”

The NFL, now so wildly profitable it defies ethics and gravity, has decided to tackle the CTE crisis by branding it, sponsoring it, and possibly turning it into a halftime show.
Buck Drayton -
NBA

Dallas Mavericks Land #1 Pick After Trading Luka Dončić to Lakers, Involving “Deeply Inappropriate” Acts by Front Office

The Mavericks somehow landed the No. 1 pick after GM Nico Harrison allegedly did unspeakable things and Mark Cuban summoned dark billionaire magic.
Buck Drayton -
MLB

Shohei Ohtani $700m Contract in Jeopardy After Background Check Reveals True Identity as Korean-American Larry Wilson from Milwaukee

Ohtani says the whole thing is one big multi-million dollar misunderstanding and claims he tried telling people he was born in Wisconsin to South Korean immigrants but no one wanted to listen.
Morgan Tanner -
MLB

Baseball Still Too Long and Boring, League Considers “Mild Electrocution” to Spice Things Up

MLB eyes wild changes—like stripping, shock collars, and fan-controlled drones—to make baseball less of a televised nap.
Buck Drayton -
12Page 1 of 2
NEWS

Game to “Boost Morale” While Nation Descends into Chaos

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the federal government remains closed for the 19th consecutive day,...
Buck Drayton -
Politics

Trump Signs Executive Order Allowing Him Entry Into Any Women’s Locker or Changing Room at Any Time

"These locker rooms are supposed to be a safe place. And to keep them safe, I need to be there to stop filthy democrats from walking in whenever they want." -President Trump
Morgan Tanner -
Politics

Trump to Sue ABC, CBS, FOX, NAACP, NHL, The MIB, PBS, S.H.I.E.L.D., WNBA, and Others Amidst Epstein Files Scandal

Trump is furious with all acronyms in the media after they all seemingly report on irrefutable evidence that Trump owned a time share on Epstein Island.
Morgan Tanner -
Sports

League of Legends Pro Tests Positive for Steroids, Gets Suspended and Grounded by His Mom

Under pressure to perform, Tyler “NyteRayvn69” Blevmont made the wrong kind of gains. Now the league is cracking down, and his fans are feeling deceived.
Jett Monument -
NBA

Jason Tatum Out for Remainder of Playoffs After Suffering Catastrophic Injury During Layup Attempt

Jayson Tatum is out of the playoffs after his vagina spontaneously combusted during a mildly contested layup.
Buck Drayton -
NFL

NFL Raking In So Much Cash, Officials Say “Screw It, Give CTE a Sponsorship Deal”

The NFL, now so wildly profitable it defies ethics and gravity, has decided to tackle the CTE crisis by branding it, sponsoring it, and possibly turning it into a halftime show.
Buck Drayton -
NBA

Dallas Mavericks Land #1 Pick After Trading Luka Dončić to Lakers, Involving “Deeply Inappropriate” Acts by Front Office

The Mavericks somehow landed the No. 1 pick after GM Nico Harrison allegedly did unspeakable things and Mark Cuban summoned dark billionaire magic.
Buck Drayton -
MLB

Shohei Ohtani $700m Contract in Jeopardy After Background Check Reveals True Identity as Korean-American Larry Wilson from Milwaukee

Ohtani says the whole thing is one big multi-million dollar misunderstanding and claims he tried telling people he was born in Wisconsin to South Korean immigrants but no one wanted to listen.
Morgan Tanner -
MLB

Baseball Still Too Long and Boring, League Considers “Mild Electrocution” to Spice Things Up

MLB eyes wild changes—like stripping, shock collars, and fan-controlled drones—to make baseball less of a televised nap.
Buck Drayton -
12Page 1 of 2
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Latest News

Republican

Nation Faces Black Printer Ink Shortage as Epstein Files Are Released by Current Administration

The Trump Administration has caused a black ink shortage nationwide at the time of the release of the documentation of the infamous Jeffrey Epstein investigation.
Business

Burger King Rebrands as ‘Burger Queen’ After Royal Fast Food Patron Accused of Visiting Epstein’s Island

The "home of the Whopper" will now have dual meaning after the King of fast food burgers has been accused of illicit behavior on Little St. James, better known as "Epstein Island".
Exclusive

“Five Stars. Would Get Abducted Again,” Says Man Returned By Aliens

Trevor Haskins returned after a week with extraterrestrials, calling the whole thing more vacation than abduction. Officials are baffled, neighbors are uneasy, and he’s already hoping for a return trip.
NEWS

Game to “Boost Morale” While Nation Descends into Chaos

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the federal government remains closed for the 19th consecutive day,...

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