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Jett Monument

27 POSTS
Jett Monument became a journalist after mistaking a press pass for a parking ticket and wandering into a gubernatorial debate. He stayed for the free "press only" sandwiches, wrote up what he saw, and accidentally broke a story that made three state legislators stop answering calls. He’s been reporting ever since, mostly out of spite and mild curiosity.
Exclusive

“Five Stars. Would Get Abducted Again,” Says Man Returned By Aliens

Trevor Haskins returned after a week with extraterrestrials, calling the whole thing more vacation than abduction. Officials are baffled, neighbors are uneasy, and he’s already hoping for a return trip.
Jett Monument -
NEWS

Utah Police Grapple With “Homosexual Epidemic” After Bullet Casings Found at Political Shooting Scene

A routine investigation has spiraled into an unexpected crisis after evidence sparked what officers are calling a wave of sudden identity shifts. Leaders insist the situation is contained, though reports suggest the atmosphere inside precincts has changed dramatically.
Jett Monument -
NEWS

Trump Greenlights $200 Million White House Food Court Featuring First-Ever Presidential Chili’s

International relations could soon be served with a side of sizzling fajitas as the White House readies a bold multi-million dollar upgrade focused more on flavor than foreign policy.
Jett Monument -
Entertainment

Fox News Rebrands as Liberal Outlet After Trump Backlash, Replaces Entire Lineup with Democrats and Progressives

In an unexpected ideological overhaul, the once far-right-leaning network is embracing a new political direction, leaving longtime viewers stunned and party lines blurred.
Jett Monument -
Republican

U.S. Government Announces Plan to Erase National Debt by Selling Naming Rights to States, Parks, Buildings and National Monuments

A sweeping government move is set to redefine the nation's most recognizable places. With corporate deals on the table and tradition up for negotiation, even history isn’t safe from rebranding.
Jett Monument -
Sports

League of Legends Pro Tests Positive for Steroids, Gets Suspended and Grounded by His Mom

Under pressure to perform, Tyler “NyteRayvn69” Blevmont made the wrong kind of gains. Now the league is cracking down, and his fans are feeling deceived.
Jett Monument -
Entertainment

Big Bird Under Fire After Elmo’s Digital Disaster Sends Sesame Street Into Full Damage Control

The usual lessons about kindness and cooperation have given way to locked accounts, backstage tension, and a growing sense that something’s not quite right on Sesame Street.
Jett Monument -
Business

As RFK Jr. Moves to Ban Red 40, Scientists Unveil Red 69 As An All-Natural Alternative

As synthetic dyes are on the chopping block, scientists are racing to find a safer solution that still manages to hit the sweet spot.
Jett Monument -
Republican

Trump Convinced Russia Is Run by Gremlins, No One in His Administration Has the Will to Tell Him Otherwise

Everyone knows the Kremlin isn’t the Gremlins. Everyone except the president, who’s now basing foreign policy on the mix-up.
Jett Monument -
123Page 1 of 3
Exclusive

“Five Stars. Would Get Abducted Again,” Says Man Returned By Aliens

Trevor Haskins returned after a week with extraterrestrials, calling the whole thing more vacation than abduction. Officials are baffled, neighbors are uneasy, and he’s already hoping for a return trip.
Jett Monument -
NEWS

Utah Police Grapple With “Homosexual Epidemic” After Bullet Casings Found at Political Shooting Scene

A routine investigation has spiraled into an unexpected crisis after evidence sparked what officers are calling a wave of sudden identity shifts. Leaders insist the situation is contained, though reports suggest the atmosphere inside precincts has changed dramatically.
Jett Monument -
NEWS

Trump Greenlights $200 Million White House Food Court Featuring First-Ever Presidential Chili’s

International relations could soon be served with a side of sizzling fajitas as the White House readies a bold multi-million dollar upgrade focused more on flavor than foreign policy.
Jett Monument -
Entertainment

Fox News Rebrands as Liberal Outlet After Trump Backlash, Replaces Entire Lineup with Democrats and Progressives

In an unexpected ideological overhaul, the once far-right-leaning network is embracing a new political direction, leaving longtime viewers stunned and party lines blurred.
Jett Monument -
Republican

U.S. Government Announces Plan to Erase National Debt by Selling Naming Rights to States, Parks, Buildings and National Monuments

A sweeping government move is set to redefine the nation's most recognizable places. With corporate deals on the table and tradition up for negotiation, even history isn’t safe from rebranding.
Jett Monument -
Sports

League of Legends Pro Tests Positive for Steroids, Gets Suspended and Grounded by His Mom

Under pressure to perform, Tyler “NyteRayvn69” Blevmont made the wrong kind of gains. Now the league is cracking down, and his fans are feeling deceived.
Jett Monument -
Entertainment

Big Bird Under Fire After Elmo’s Digital Disaster Sends Sesame Street Into Full Damage Control

The usual lessons about kindness and cooperation have given way to locked accounts, backstage tension, and a growing sense that something’s not quite right on Sesame Street.
Jett Monument -
Business

As RFK Jr. Moves to Ban Red 40, Scientists Unveil Red 69 As An All-Natural Alternative

As synthetic dyes are on the chopping block, scientists are racing to find a safer solution that still manages to hit the sweet spot.
Jett Monument -
Republican

Trump Convinced Russia Is Run by Gremlins, No One in His Administration Has the Will to Tell Him Otherwise

Everyone knows the Kremlin isn’t the Gremlins. Everyone except the president, who’s now basing foreign policy on the mix-up.
Jett Monument -
123Page 1 of 3

Breaking

Burger King Rebrands as ‘Burger Queen’ After Royal Fast Food Patron Accused of Visiting Epstein’s Island

Business 0
The "home of the Whopper" will now have dual meaning after the King of fast food burgers has been accused of illicit behavior on Little St. James, better known as "Epstein Island".

“Five Stars. Would Get Abducted Again,” Says Man Returned By Aliens

Exclusive 0
Trevor Haskins returned after a week with extraterrestrials, calling the whole thing more vacation than abduction. Officials are baffled, neighbors are uneasy, and he’s already hoping for a return trip.

Game to “Boost Morale” While Nation Descends into Chaos

NEWS 0
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the federal government remains closed...

AMC Introduces New “Bedflix Bangers” Featuring Full Beds for Guests Who Can’t Wait to Ruin Movies with Sex

Entertainment 0
AMC revolutionizes moviegoing with new Cine-Suites—plush beds replacing seats—so guests can finally get freaky without fighting an armrest.

DISCLAIMER: This website is a parody and purely satirical. Almost nothing here is true. It’s nearly all made up and should not be taken seriously. Any resemblance to real people and events are either coincidental or hilariously intentional.

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