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Jett Monument

27 POSTS
Jett Monument became a journalist after mistaking a press pass for a parking ticket and wandering into a gubernatorial debate. He stayed for the free "press only" sandwiches, wrote up what he saw, and accidentally broke a story that made three state legislators stop answering calls. He’s been reporting ever since, mostly out of spite and mild curiosity.
NEWS

L.A. Homicide Rates Drop to Historic Lows, Residents Unsure How to Act in Public Without the Constant Threat of Death

With less murders, LA residents are trying to adjust by finding new things to fear and even more things to complain about.
Jett Monument -
Business

TSA to End “Shoes Off” Policy After Internal Report Reveals Shockingly High Number of Agents Have a Foot Fetish

After years of questionable pat-downs and shoe-level security, the TSA is finally rethinking its approach following some deeply uncomfortable internal findings.
Jett Monument -
Exclusive

President Trump Does an Undercover Boss at “Alligator Alcatraz,” Secretly Oversees Opening Day While Complaining No One Recognized Him

President Trump went undercover at the opening day of Alligator Alcatraz and immediately blew his cover because no one recognized him and his ego couldn’t handle it.
Jett Monument -
Exclusive

Elon Musk Awarded Custody of 19-Year-Old Barron Trump Just Days After Breakup with President Trump

Just days after their highly publicized breakup, Elon Musk has secured full custody of 19-year-old Barron Trump through a little-known DOGE loophole. The President, blindsided, is reportedly fuming.
Jett Monument -
Entertainment

Local Man Marries Minecraft Villager After Building Entire City and Abandoning Real Life

After failing to fall in love in real life, one man built a full Minecraft city, married a pixelated villager, and is now undergoing surgery to become more blocky in hopes of finally fitting into a world that isn’t coded to reject him.
Jett Monument -
Business

America Ditches Penny, Embraces Half Penny Because Logic Is for Quitters

The U.S. Treasury is replacing the penny with the half penny—because nothing screams innovation like reviving a worthless coin and pretending it’s a step forward.
Jett Monument -
Entertainment

Nebraska Man Wins $421 Million Mega Millions Jackpot, Goes to Vegas, Loses It All “To Feel Something”

Donny Klemme won Nebraska’s Mega Millions jackpot and lost it all in Vegas within 48 hours. He now has no money—just stories, T-shirts, a questionable tattoo, and zero regrets.
Jett Monument -
Republican

Trump Declares Looks-Based Breeding Law—Must Be an 8+ to Bang for America

Trump signs order banning “ugly” couples from procreating. Critics call it shallow; he calls it patriotic.
Jett Monument -
Democrat

Pete Buttigieg Officially Changes Name to “Bootygieg” in Bold Rebrand Aimed at Gen Z

Former Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg rebrands as “Pete Bootygieg” in a bold bid to connect with Gen Z and make infrastructure go viral — one slice of cake at a time.
Jett Monument -
123Page 2 of 3
NEWS

L.A. Homicide Rates Drop to Historic Lows, Residents Unsure How to Act in Public Without the Constant Threat of Death

With less murders, LA residents are trying to adjust by finding new things to fear and even more things to complain about.
Jett Monument -
Business

TSA to End “Shoes Off” Policy After Internal Report Reveals Shockingly High Number of Agents Have a Foot Fetish

After years of questionable pat-downs and shoe-level security, the TSA is finally rethinking its approach following some deeply uncomfortable internal findings.
Jett Monument -
Exclusive

President Trump Does an Undercover Boss at “Alligator Alcatraz,” Secretly Oversees Opening Day While Complaining No One Recognized Him

President Trump went undercover at the opening day of Alligator Alcatraz and immediately blew his cover because no one recognized him and his ego couldn’t handle it.
Jett Monument -
Exclusive

Elon Musk Awarded Custody of 19-Year-Old Barron Trump Just Days After Breakup with President Trump

Just days after their highly publicized breakup, Elon Musk has secured full custody of 19-year-old Barron Trump through a little-known DOGE loophole. The President, blindsided, is reportedly fuming.
Jett Monument -
Entertainment

Local Man Marries Minecraft Villager After Building Entire City and Abandoning Real Life

After failing to fall in love in real life, one man built a full Minecraft city, married a pixelated villager, and is now undergoing surgery to become more blocky in hopes of finally fitting into a world that isn’t coded to reject him.
Jett Monument -
Business

America Ditches Penny, Embraces Half Penny Because Logic Is for Quitters

The U.S. Treasury is replacing the penny with the half penny—because nothing screams innovation like reviving a worthless coin and pretending it’s a step forward.
Jett Monument -
Entertainment

Nebraska Man Wins $421 Million Mega Millions Jackpot, Goes to Vegas, Loses It All “To Feel Something”

Donny Klemme won Nebraska’s Mega Millions jackpot and lost it all in Vegas within 48 hours. He now has no money—just stories, T-shirts, a questionable tattoo, and zero regrets.
Jett Monument -
Republican

Trump Declares Looks-Based Breeding Law—Must Be an 8+ to Bang for America

Trump signs order banning “ugly” couples from procreating. Critics call it shallow; he calls it patriotic.
Jett Monument -
Democrat

Pete Buttigieg Officially Changes Name to “Bootygieg” in Bold Rebrand Aimed at Gen Z

Former Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg rebrands as “Pete Bootygieg” in a bold bid to connect with Gen Z and make infrastructure go viral — one slice of cake at a time.
Jett Monument -
123Page 2 of 3

Breaking

Burger King Rebrands as ‘Burger Queen’ After Royal Fast Food Patron Accused of Visiting Epstein’s Island

Business 0
The "home of the Whopper" will now have dual meaning after the King of fast food burgers has been accused of illicit behavior on Little St. James, better known as "Epstein Island".

“Five Stars. Would Get Abducted Again,” Says Man Returned By Aliens

Exclusive 0
Trevor Haskins returned after a week with extraterrestrials, calling the whole thing more vacation than abduction. Officials are baffled, neighbors are uneasy, and he’s already hoping for a return trip.

Game to “Boost Morale” While Nation Descends into Chaos

NEWS 0
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the federal government remains closed...

AMC Introduces New “Bedflix Bangers” Featuring Full Beds for Guests Who Can’t Wait to Ruin Movies with Sex

Entertainment 0
AMC revolutionizes moviegoing with new Cine-Suites—plush beds replacing seats—so guests can finally get freaky without fighting an armrest.

DISCLAIMER: This website is a parody and purely satirical. Almost nothing here is true. It’s nearly all made up and should not be taken seriously. Any resemblance to real people and events are either coincidental or hilariously intentional.

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