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Police Accidentally Uphold Constitution, Potentially Ruin Slam-Dunk Case Against Luigi Mangione

Cops found a backpack full of felonies but forgot the warrant — possibly because Luigi Mangione’s jawline temporarily suspended their knowledge of the Constitution.
Jett Monument -
MLB

Baseball Still Too Long and Boring, League Considers “Mild Electrocution” to Spice Things Up

MLB eyes wild changes—like stripping, shock collars, and fan-controlled drones—to make baseball less of a televised nap.
Buck Drayton -
Politics

Trump Announces Bold Executive Order to Cut Prices of Hard Drugs, Citing “Outrageously High Street Costs”

Trump announced a plan to cut street drug prices with “Patriot Drug Outlets” and TRUMP SPEED meth, leaving experts baffled and critics stunned by the surreal proposal.
Buck Drayton -
Politics

Bill Gates Accuses Elon Musk of “Mass Baby Slaughter via Spreadsheet,” Declares DOGECOIN a “Weapon of Geographical Ignorance”

Bill Gates called Elon Musk a baby killer over foreign aid cuts and slammed DOGE as a “currency for the geographically clueless,” claiming it was made by people who think Mozambique is a tech startup.
Buck Drayton -
Business

Elon Musk Seen Burning Down Tesla Dealership Hours Before Claiming Left-Wing Woke Mind Virus Made Him Do It

Tesla CEO Elon Musk crashes out and allegedly torches his own dealership, despite half the vehicles already on fire due to numerous malfunctions and botched software updates.
Morgan Tanner -
Finance

Apple Shares Surge After Tim Cook Reveals Next iPhone Will Have 6 Camera Lenses

Apple CEO Tim Cook says that the next iPhone will truly blow the minds of their uses with no new features except for six camera lenses on the back that do absolutely nothing.
Morgan Tanner -
Democrat

Nancy Pelosi Votes Against Stock Trade Exclusion Bill for Politicians, Says Insider Trading Meeting She Had Before Lunch Will Help Husband’s Portfolio

Speaker Pelosi has demonstrated a Nostradamus-level of foresight into what stocks will soar and which will tank, leading to a fortune for her and her husband.
Morgan Tanner -
Republican

Mike Pence Allegedly “Embracing the Change” After Bizarre Night at NYC Hotel With Caitlyn Jenner and Kanye West

Former Vice President Mike Pence was seen letting it all hang out with reality star Caitlyn Jenner and self-proclaimed white supremacist, Kanye West.
Morgan Tanner -
Democrat

Former President Obama Says Biden Won’t Stop Showing Up in the Middle of the Night Yelling About Prohibition

Former President Biden has allegedly dumped thousands of dollars of wine down the drains of Former President Obama's private residence, while claiming "The G-Men know everything!"
Morgan Tanner -
1...345...7Page 4 of 7
World

Police Accidentally Uphold Constitution, Potentially Ruin Slam-Dunk Case Against Luigi Mangione

Cops found a backpack full of felonies but forgot the warrant — possibly because Luigi Mangione’s jawline temporarily suspended their knowledge of the Constitution.
Jett Monument -
MLB

Baseball Still Too Long and Boring, League Considers “Mild Electrocution” to Spice Things Up

MLB eyes wild changes—like stripping, shock collars, and fan-controlled drones—to make baseball less of a televised nap.
Buck Drayton -
Politics

Trump Announces Bold Executive Order to Cut Prices of Hard Drugs, Citing “Outrageously High Street Costs”

Trump announced a plan to cut street drug prices with “Patriot Drug Outlets” and TRUMP SPEED meth, leaving experts baffled and critics stunned by the surreal proposal.
Buck Drayton -
Politics

Bill Gates Accuses Elon Musk of “Mass Baby Slaughter via Spreadsheet,” Declares DOGECOIN a “Weapon of Geographical Ignorance”

Bill Gates called Elon Musk a baby killer over foreign aid cuts and slammed DOGE as a “currency for the geographically clueless,” claiming it was made by people who think Mozambique is a tech startup.
Buck Drayton -
Business

Elon Musk Seen Burning Down Tesla Dealership Hours Before Claiming Left-Wing Woke Mind Virus Made Him Do It

Tesla CEO Elon Musk crashes out and allegedly torches his own dealership, despite half the vehicles already on fire due to numerous malfunctions and botched software updates.
Morgan Tanner -
Finance

Apple Shares Surge After Tim Cook Reveals Next iPhone Will Have 6 Camera Lenses

Apple CEO Tim Cook says that the next iPhone will truly blow the minds of their uses with no new features except for six camera lenses on the back that do absolutely nothing.
Morgan Tanner -
Democrat

Nancy Pelosi Votes Against Stock Trade Exclusion Bill for Politicians, Says Insider Trading Meeting She Had Before Lunch Will Help Husband’s Portfolio

Speaker Pelosi has demonstrated a Nostradamus-level of foresight into what stocks will soar and which will tank, leading to a fortune for her and her husband.
Morgan Tanner -
Republican

Mike Pence Allegedly “Embracing the Change” After Bizarre Night at NYC Hotel With Caitlyn Jenner and Kanye West

Former Vice President Mike Pence was seen letting it all hang out with reality star Caitlyn Jenner and self-proclaimed white supremacist, Kanye West.
Morgan Tanner -
Democrat

Former President Obama Says Biden Won’t Stop Showing Up in the Middle of the Night Yelling About Prohibition

Former President Biden has allegedly dumped thousands of dollars of wine down the drains of Former President Obama's private residence, while claiming "The G-Men know everything!"
Morgan Tanner -
1...345...7Page 4 of 7
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Latest News

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Study Finds White Men Begin Morphing Into Pickup Truck-Loving Republicans at 37, Fueled by Whiskey, Taxes, and Morgan Wallen

UNITED STATES — In what experts are calling a “cultural metamorphosis unlike anything seen...
Entertainment

Barry Keoghan to Play Ellen DeGeneres in New Biopic “Degenerate”

DeGeneres says Keoghan's performance as Joker in Matt Reeves' The Batman sold her on him taking the role of her life.
Science

“Female Orgasm a Myth”, Says Trump Administration’s Head of Sexual Education and Wellness

Head of Sexual Education and Wellness, Dr. Randy P. Whetstone, says that the female orgasm is fictional nonsense created by the woke mainstream liberal media to make white men feel bad about themselves.
Entertainment

Hilary Duff is Returning to Music After 10 Years, Says Her New Single ‘Heil Hitler’ is Better Than Kanye’s

Disney Channel Original Movie 'My Dog is My Mom' star Hilary Duff says that her song about "Das Führer" is about finding light in the darkness and will uplift the hearts of Agent Cody Banks fans everywhere.

DISCLAIMER: This website is a parody and purely satirical. Almost nothing here is true. It’s nearly all made up and should not be taken seriously. Any resemblance to real people and events are either coincidental or hilariously intentional.

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