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Vatican to Franchise Gay Nightclubs with Europa Multiclub, Finally Answers Prayers of Fabulous Faithful

Vatican’s new gay nightclub “Club Sanctus” promises salvation with every strobe light and because even sinners deserve bottle service.
Buck Drayton -
World

Earth Has Needs Too: Planet Reportedly ‘Busted a Nut’ in Hawaii’s Kilauea Eruption

In a fiery display of planetary passion, Earth shamelessly “busted a nut” through Hawaii’s Kilauea volcano, leaving scientists stunned and the Pacific Rim begging for round two.
Buck Drayton -
Republican

Right-Wing Grifter Charlie Kirk Says His Eyes Are So Close Together, He Uses a Monocle For Both Eyes

Alt-right grifter and MAGA youth cultist Charlie Kirk says "glasses are for liberals and beta males" while holding up a monocle that covers both eyes.
Morgan Tanner -
Business

Ivanka Trump Advocates for Mexican Immigrants, “They Make Better Handbags Than the Chinese”

First Daughter of the United States, Ivanka Trump says we should bring in more Mexican immigrants because their hands are tougher and make better quality products for her luxury handbag line.
Morgan Tanner -
Entertainment

Kanye West Announces He Has Converted to Judaism, Can Now Use Jewish Slurs with Impunity

Rapper and Nazi memorabilia mogul Kanye West says that he is now a double-minority class and that Adidas can't do shit about what he says after converting to Judaism.
Morgan Tanner -
Politics

Brain Worm: The Kennedy Parasite Chronicles: Chapter 1 of 3: “The Creek Awakens“

One swim in a toxic creek as a child, and RFK Jr. left with a brain worm and a lifelong Wednesday ritual.
Buck Drayton -
Science

New Surveillance Tech Uses Farts to Identify Individuals, Confirming Once and for All That Whoever Smelt It Did Dealt It

New tech can analyze people’s farts. “It’s like a smelly finger print and everyone’s is different.”
Buck Drayton -
Business

America Ditches Penny, Embraces Half Penny Because Logic Is for Quitters

The U.S. Treasury is replacing the penny with the half penny—because nothing screams innovation like reviving a worthless coin and pretending it’s a step forward.
Jett Monument -
Business

Tesla Owners Officially Declared Enemies of the State; Arrests Begin Immediately: Trump says “Get Them!”

“Nationwide Crackdown Begins as Tesla Owners Rounded Up for Crimes of Excessive Smugness and Driving Silent Cars Too Loudly”
Buck Drayton -
1...456...13Page 5 of 13
World

Vatican to Franchise Gay Nightclubs with Europa Multiclub, Finally Answers Prayers of Fabulous Faithful

Vatican’s new gay nightclub “Club Sanctus” promises salvation with every strobe light and because even sinners deserve bottle service.
Buck Drayton -
World

Earth Has Needs Too: Planet Reportedly ‘Busted a Nut’ in Hawaii’s Kilauea Eruption

In a fiery display of planetary passion, Earth shamelessly “busted a nut” through Hawaii’s Kilauea volcano, leaving scientists stunned and the Pacific Rim begging for round two.
Buck Drayton -
Republican

Right-Wing Grifter Charlie Kirk Says His Eyes Are So Close Together, He Uses a Monocle For Both Eyes

Alt-right grifter and MAGA youth cultist Charlie Kirk says "glasses are for liberals and beta males" while holding up a monocle that covers both eyes.
Morgan Tanner -
Business

Ivanka Trump Advocates for Mexican Immigrants, “They Make Better Handbags Than the Chinese”

First Daughter of the United States, Ivanka Trump says we should bring in more Mexican immigrants because their hands are tougher and make better quality products for her luxury handbag line.
Morgan Tanner -
Entertainment

Kanye West Announces He Has Converted to Judaism, Can Now Use Jewish Slurs with Impunity

Rapper and Nazi memorabilia mogul Kanye West says that he is now a double-minority class and that Adidas can't do shit about what he says after converting to Judaism.
Morgan Tanner -
Politics

Brain Worm: The Kennedy Parasite Chronicles: Chapter 1 of 3: “The Creek Awakens“

One swim in a toxic creek as a child, and RFK Jr. left with a brain worm and a lifelong Wednesday ritual.
Buck Drayton -
Science

New Surveillance Tech Uses Farts to Identify Individuals, Confirming Once and for All That Whoever Smelt It Did Dealt It

New tech can analyze people’s farts. “It’s like a smelly finger print and everyone’s is different.”
Buck Drayton -
Business

America Ditches Penny, Embraces Half Penny Because Logic Is for Quitters

The U.S. Treasury is replacing the penny with the half penny—because nothing screams innovation like reviving a worthless coin and pretending it’s a step forward.
Jett Monument -
Business

Tesla Owners Officially Declared Enemies of the State; Arrests Begin Immediately: Trump says “Get Them!”

“Nationwide Crackdown Begins as Tesla Owners Rounded Up for Crimes of Excessive Smugness and Driving Silent Cars Too Loudly”
Buck Drayton -
1...456...13Page 5 of 13
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Latest News

Republican

Nation Faces Black Printer Ink Shortage as Epstein Files Are Released by Current Administration

The Trump Administration has caused a black ink shortage nationwide at the time of the release of the documentation of the infamous Jeffrey Epstein investigation.
Business

Burger King Rebrands as ‘Burger Queen’ After Royal Fast Food Patron Accused of Visiting Epstein’s Island

The "home of the Whopper" will now have dual meaning after the King of fast food burgers has been accused of illicit behavior on Little St. James, better known as "Epstein Island".
Exclusive

“Five Stars. Would Get Abducted Again,” Says Man Returned By Aliens

Trevor Haskins returned after a week with extraterrestrials, calling the whole thing more vacation than abduction. Officials are baffled, neighbors are uneasy, and he’s already hoping for a return trip.
NEWS

Game to “Boost Morale” While Nation Descends into Chaos

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the federal government remains closed for the 19th consecutive day,...

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