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Trump Vows to Do Better After Visit from Ghost of Christmas Future that May Have Just Been Mitch McConnell

President Donald Trump says he was told to stop being such a piece of shit by a ghost at his bedside who resembles Republican Senator McConnell (KY).
Morgan Tanner -
Entertainment

Taylor Swift Embarks on 25-City Tour Where She Just Sleeps on Stage After Eras Tour Exhaustion

Taylor Swift has officially kicked off her “Zzz Tour,” a 25-city spectacle where she does nothing but sleep on stage — and fans are paying thousands to watch her nap in peace.
Jett Monument -
Science

Harvard Study Shows Mouth Breathing Leads to Longer Life, Fewer Sexual Partners

A new Harvard study finds mouth breathers live longer. The boost in lifespan comes at the cost of romantic invisibility and a face that screams “I still call my mom ‘Mommy.’”
Jett Monument -
World

Pope Leo XIV Threatens to Resign After Only Five Days Because He ‘Can’t Find A Decent Deep Dish In This Goddamn Country’

Pope Leo XIV is considering resignation just five days in, citing not doctrine, but Rome’s tragic lack of Chicago-style deep dish. He called the city’s thin crust a betrayal of both his palate and his faith.
Jett Monument -
NBA

Jason Tatum Out for Remainder of Playoffs After Suffering Catastrophic Injury During Layup Attempt

Jayson Tatum is out of the playoffs after his vagina spontaneously combusted during a mildly contested layup.
Buck Drayton -
Entertainment

RFK Jr. Claims Dragons, Orcs, Elves are “Very Real” After Bumping into Warwick Davis at Downtown Applebee’s

RFK Jr.’s encounter with actor Warwick Davis at a local Applebee's resulted in a declaration that a task force is to look into the existence of mythological beings immediately.
Morgan Tanner -
Republican

Donald Trump Signs Executive Order to Bring Orange Makeup Manufacturing Back to America

Donald Trump aims his tariff cannon at the world but turns his sights away from Indonesia where they produce the fine orange powder he puts on his face.
Morgan Tanner -
Republican

Lauren Boebert Demands Marjorie Taylor Greene Prove Gender After Run-In at Courthouse Women’s Restroom

Colorado Rep. Lauren Boebert claims Georgia Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene should be "deported" if Greene can't prove she is a biological female after bathroom mix-up.
Morgan Tanner -
Entertainment

Joe Rogan Now Tenured Professor at Harvard- ‘This Is Not An Acid Trip’, It’s An Experience

In a historic academic shift, Joe Rogan was granted tenure at Harvard after his podcast achieved sentience and began guest lecturing on its own.
Buck Drayton -
1...789...13Page 8 of 13
Politics

Trump Vows to Do Better After Visit from Ghost of Christmas Future that May Have Just Been Mitch McConnell

President Donald Trump says he was told to stop being such a piece of shit by a ghost at his bedside who resembles Republican Senator McConnell (KY).
Morgan Tanner -
Entertainment

Taylor Swift Embarks on 25-City Tour Where She Just Sleeps on Stage After Eras Tour Exhaustion

Taylor Swift has officially kicked off her “Zzz Tour,” a 25-city spectacle where she does nothing but sleep on stage — and fans are paying thousands to watch her nap in peace.
Jett Monument -
Science

Harvard Study Shows Mouth Breathing Leads to Longer Life, Fewer Sexual Partners

A new Harvard study finds mouth breathers live longer. The boost in lifespan comes at the cost of romantic invisibility and a face that screams “I still call my mom ‘Mommy.’”
Jett Monument -
World

Pope Leo XIV Threatens to Resign After Only Five Days Because He ‘Can’t Find A Decent Deep Dish In This Goddamn Country’

Pope Leo XIV is considering resignation just five days in, citing not doctrine, but Rome’s tragic lack of Chicago-style deep dish. He called the city’s thin crust a betrayal of both his palate and his faith.
Jett Monument -
NBA

Jason Tatum Out for Remainder of Playoffs After Suffering Catastrophic Injury During Layup Attempt

Jayson Tatum is out of the playoffs after his vagina spontaneously combusted during a mildly contested layup.
Buck Drayton -
Entertainment

RFK Jr. Claims Dragons, Orcs, Elves are “Very Real” After Bumping into Warwick Davis at Downtown Applebee’s

RFK Jr.’s encounter with actor Warwick Davis at a local Applebee's resulted in a declaration that a task force is to look into the existence of mythological beings immediately.
Morgan Tanner -
Republican

Donald Trump Signs Executive Order to Bring Orange Makeup Manufacturing Back to America

Donald Trump aims his tariff cannon at the world but turns his sights away from Indonesia where they produce the fine orange powder he puts on his face.
Morgan Tanner -
Republican

Lauren Boebert Demands Marjorie Taylor Greene Prove Gender After Run-In at Courthouse Women’s Restroom

Colorado Rep. Lauren Boebert claims Georgia Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene should be "deported" if Greene can't prove she is a biological female after bathroom mix-up.
Morgan Tanner -
Entertainment

Joe Rogan Now Tenured Professor at Harvard- ‘This Is Not An Acid Trip’, It’s An Experience

In a historic academic shift, Joe Rogan was granted tenure at Harvard after his podcast achieved sentience and began guest lecturing on its own.
Buck Drayton -
1...789...13Page 8 of 13
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Latest News

Republican

Nation Faces Black Printer Ink Shortage as Epstein Files Are Released by Current Administration

The Trump Administration has caused a black ink shortage nationwide at the time of the release of the documentation of the infamous Jeffrey Epstein investigation.
Business

Burger King Rebrands as ‘Burger Queen’ After Royal Fast Food Patron Accused of Visiting Epstein’s Island

The "home of the Whopper" will now have dual meaning after the King of fast food burgers has been accused of illicit behavior on Little St. James, better known as "Epstein Island".
Exclusive

“Five Stars. Would Get Abducted Again,” Says Man Returned By Aliens

Trevor Haskins returned after a week with extraterrestrials, calling the whole thing more vacation than abduction. Officials are baffled, neighbors are uneasy, and he’s already hoping for a return trip.
NEWS

Game to “Boost Morale” While Nation Descends into Chaos

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the federal government remains closed for the 19th consecutive day,...

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