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Business

Egg Shortage Over, But Restaurants Keep Prices High Because “You Dumbasses Will Keep Paying Anyway”

Eggs are back, but prices haven’t cracked. Diners are still paying premium rates while restaurants laugh all the way to the bank.
Jett Monument -
Entertainment

The Truth About Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s Relationship: Jason Kelce Begs for Help Through Tears: “Save My Brother”

Jason Kelce tearfully begs for help as Travis falls deeper into Taylor Swift’s glittery Illuminati sex cult.
Buck Drayton -
Politics

Trump Vows to Do Better After Visit from Ghost of Christmas Future that May Have Just Been Mitch McConnell

President Donald Trump says he was told to stop being such a piece of shit by a ghost at his bedside who resembles Republican Senator McConnell (KY).
Morgan Tanner -
Entertainment

Taylor Swift Embarks on 25-City Tour Where She Just Sleeps on Stage After Eras Tour Exhaustion

Taylor Swift has officially kicked off her “Zzz Tour,” a 25-city spectacle where she does nothing but sleep on stage — and fans are paying thousands to watch her nap in peace.
Jett Monument -
Science

Harvard Study Shows Mouth Breathing Leads to Longer Life, Fewer Sexual Partners

A new Harvard study finds mouth breathers live longer. The boost in lifespan comes at the cost of romantic invisibility and a face that screams “I still call my mom ‘Mommy.’”
Jett Monument -
World

Pope Leo XIV Threatens to Resign After Only Five Days Because He ‘Can’t Find A Decent Deep Dish In This Goddamn Country’

Pope Leo XIV is considering resignation just five days in, citing not doctrine, but Rome’s tragic lack of Chicago-style deep dish. He called the city’s thin crust a betrayal of both his palate and his faith.
Jett Monument -
NBA

Jason Tatum Out for Remainder of Playoffs After Suffering Catastrophic Injury During Layup Attempt

Jayson Tatum is out of the playoffs after his vagina spontaneously combusted during a mildly contested layup.
Buck Drayton -
Entertainment

RFK Jr. Claims Dragons, Orcs, Elves are “Very Real” After Bumping into Warwick Davis at Downtown Applebee’s

RFK Jr.’s encounter with actor Warwick Davis at a local Applebee's resulted in a declaration that a task force is to look into the existence of mythological beings immediately.
Morgan Tanner -
Republican

Donald Trump Signs Executive Order to Bring Orange Makeup Manufacturing Back to America

Donald Trump aims his tariff cannon at the world but turns his sights away from Indonesia where they produce the fine orange powder he puts on his face.
Morgan Tanner -
123...7Page 2 of 7
Business

Egg Shortage Over, But Restaurants Keep Prices High Because “You Dumbasses Will Keep Paying Anyway”

Eggs are back, but prices haven’t cracked. Diners are still paying premium rates while restaurants laugh all the way to the bank.
Jett Monument -
Entertainment

The Truth About Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s Relationship: Jason Kelce Begs for Help Through Tears: “Save My Brother”

Jason Kelce tearfully begs for help as Travis falls deeper into Taylor Swift’s glittery Illuminati sex cult.
Buck Drayton -
Politics

Trump Vows to Do Better After Visit from Ghost of Christmas Future that May Have Just Been Mitch McConnell

President Donald Trump says he was told to stop being such a piece of shit by a ghost at his bedside who resembles Republican Senator McConnell (KY).
Morgan Tanner -
Entertainment

Taylor Swift Embarks on 25-City Tour Where She Just Sleeps on Stage After Eras Tour Exhaustion

Taylor Swift has officially kicked off her “Zzz Tour,” a 25-city spectacle where she does nothing but sleep on stage — and fans are paying thousands to watch her nap in peace.
Jett Monument -
Science

Harvard Study Shows Mouth Breathing Leads to Longer Life, Fewer Sexual Partners

A new Harvard study finds mouth breathers live longer. The boost in lifespan comes at the cost of romantic invisibility and a face that screams “I still call my mom ‘Mommy.’”
Jett Monument -
World

Pope Leo XIV Threatens to Resign After Only Five Days Because He ‘Can’t Find A Decent Deep Dish In This Goddamn Country’

Pope Leo XIV is considering resignation just five days in, citing not doctrine, but Rome’s tragic lack of Chicago-style deep dish. He called the city’s thin crust a betrayal of both his palate and his faith.
Jett Monument -
NBA

Jason Tatum Out for Remainder of Playoffs After Suffering Catastrophic Injury During Layup Attempt

Jayson Tatum is out of the playoffs after his vagina spontaneously combusted during a mildly contested layup.
Buck Drayton -
Entertainment

RFK Jr. Claims Dragons, Orcs, Elves are “Very Real” After Bumping into Warwick Davis at Downtown Applebee’s

RFK Jr.’s encounter with actor Warwick Davis at a local Applebee's resulted in a declaration that a task force is to look into the existence of mythological beings immediately.
Morgan Tanner -
Republican

Donald Trump Signs Executive Order to Bring Orange Makeup Manufacturing Back to America

Donald Trump aims his tariff cannon at the world but turns his sights away from Indonesia where they produce the fine orange powder he puts on his face.
Morgan Tanner -
123...7Page 2 of 7
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Latest News

NEWS

Study Finds White Men Begin Morphing Into Pickup Truck-Loving Republicans at 37, Fueled by Whiskey, Taxes, and Morgan Wallen

UNITED STATES — In what experts are calling a “cultural metamorphosis unlike anything seen...
Entertainment

Barry Keoghan to Play Ellen DeGeneres in New Biopic “Degenerate”

DeGeneres says Keoghan's performance as Joker in Matt Reeves' The Batman sold her on him taking the role of her life.
Science

“Female Orgasm a Myth”, Says Trump Administration’s Head of Sexual Education and Wellness

Head of Sexual Education and Wellness, Dr. Randy P. Whetstone, says that the female orgasm is fictional nonsense created by the woke mainstream liberal media to make white men feel bad about themselves.
Entertainment

Hilary Duff is Returning to Music After 10 Years, Says Her New Single ‘Heil Hitler’ is Better Than Kanye’s

Disney Channel Original Movie 'My Dog is My Mom' star Hilary Duff says that her song about "Das Führer" is about finding light in the darkness and will uplift the hearts of Agent Cody Banks fans everywhere.

DISCLAIMER: This website is a parody and purely satirical. Almost nothing here is true. It’s nearly all made up and should not be taken seriously. Any resemblance to real people and events are either coincidental or hilariously intentional.

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