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Ivanka Trump Advocates for Mexican Immigrants, “They Make Better Handbags Than the Chinese”

First Daughter of the United States, Ivanka Trump says we should bring in more Mexican immigrants because their hands are tougher and make better quality products for her luxury handbag line.
Morgan Tanner -
Business

America Ditches Penny, Embraces Half Penny Because Logic Is for Quitters

The U.S. Treasury is replacing the penny with the half penny—because nothing screams innovation like reviving a worthless coin and pretending it’s a step forward.
Jett Monument -
Science

Actress & Pseudoscientist Gwyneth Paltrow Says Shoving Used Tea Bags Up Your Ass Absorbs Colon Cancer Cells

Mediocre actress and founder of Goop, Gwyneth Paltrow says that the cure for cancer can be found in the aisles of your local Whole Foods.
Morgan Tanner -
Business

Egg Shortage Over, But Restaurants Keep Prices High Because “You Dumbasses Will Keep Paying Anyway”

Eggs are back, but prices haven’t cracked. Diners are still paying premium rates while restaurants laugh all the way to the bank.
Jett Monument -
Politics

Trump Vows to Do Better After Visit from Ghost of Christmas Future that May Have Just Been Mitch McConnell

President Donald Trump says he was told to stop being such a piece of shit by a ghost at his bedside who resembles Republican Senator McConnell (KY).
Morgan Tanner -
Republican

Donald Trump Signs Executive Order to Bring Orange Makeup Manufacturing Back to America

Donald Trump aims his tariff cannon at the world but turns his sights away from Indonesia where they produce the fine orange powder he puts on his face.
Morgan Tanner -
Politics

Trump Announces Bold Executive Order to Cut Prices of Hard Drugs, Citing “Outrageously High Street Costs”

Trump announced a plan to cut street drug prices with “Patriot Drug Outlets” and TRUMP SPEED meth, leaving experts baffled and critics stunned by the surreal proposal.
Buck Drayton -
Politics

Bill Gates Accuses Elon Musk of “Mass Baby Slaughter via Spreadsheet,” Declares DOGECOIN a “Weapon of Geographical Ignorance”

Bill Gates called Elon Musk a baby killer over foreign aid cuts and slammed DOGE as a “currency for the geographically clueless,” claiming it was made by people who think Mozambique is a tech startup.
Buck Drayton -
Business

Elon Musk Seen Burning Down Tesla Dealership Hours Before Claiming Left-Wing Woke Mind Virus Made Him Do It

Tesla CEO Elon Musk crashes out and allegedly torches his own dealership, despite half the vehicles already on fire due to numerous malfunctions and botched software updates.
Morgan Tanner -
123Page 2 of 3
Business

Ivanka Trump Advocates for Mexican Immigrants, “They Make Better Handbags Than the Chinese”

First Daughter of the United States, Ivanka Trump says we should bring in more Mexican immigrants because their hands are tougher and make better quality products for her luxury handbag line.
Morgan Tanner -
Business

America Ditches Penny, Embraces Half Penny Because Logic Is for Quitters

The U.S. Treasury is replacing the penny with the half penny—because nothing screams innovation like reviving a worthless coin and pretending it’s a step forward.
Jett Monument -
Science

Actress & Pseudoscientist Gwyneth Paltrow Says Shoving Used Tea Bags Up Your Ass Absorbs Colon Cancer Cells

Mediocre actress and founder of Goop, Gwyneth Paltrow says that the cure for cancer can be found in the aisles of your local Whole Foods.
Morgan Tanner -
Business

Egg Shortage Over, But Restaurants Keep Prices High Because “You Dumbasses Will Keep Paying Anyway”

Eggs are back, but prices haven’t cracked. Diners are still paying premium rates while restaurants laugh all the way to the bank.
Jett Monument -
Politics

Trump Vows to Do Better After Visit from Ghost of Christmas Future that May Have Just Been Mitch McConnell

President Donald Trump says he was told to stop being such a piece of shit by a ghost at his bedside who resembles Republican Senator McConnell (KY).
Morgan Tanner -
Republican

Donald Trump Signs Executive Order to Bring Orange Makeup Manufacturing Back to America

Donald Trump aims his tariff cannon at the world but turns his sights away from Indonesia where they produce the fine orange powder he puts on his face.
Morgan Tanner -
Politics

Trump Announces Bold Executive Order to Cut Prices of Hard Drugs, Citing “Outrageously High Street Costs”

Trump announced a plan to cut street drug prices with “Patriot Drug Outlets” and TRUMP SPEED meth, leaving experts baffled and critics stunned by the surreal proposal.
Buck Drayton -
Politics

Bill Gates Accuses Elon Musk of “Mass Baby Slaughter via Spreadsheet,” Declares DOGECOIN a “Weapon of Geographical Ignorance”

Bill Gates called Elon Musk a baby killer over foreign aid cuts and slammed DOGE as a “currency for the geographically clueless,” claiming it was made by people who think Mozambique is a tech startup.
Buck Drayton -
Business

Elon Musk Seen Burning Down Tesla Dealership Hours Before Claiming Left-Wing Woke Mind Virus Made Him Do It

Tesla CEO Elon Musk crashes out and allegedly torches his own dealership, despite half the vehicles already on fire due to numerous malfunctions and botched software updates.
Morgan Tanner -
123Page 2 of 3
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The Trump Administration has caused a black ink shortage nationwide at the time of the release of the documentation of the infamous Jeffrey Epstein investigation.
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