Got a tip? Call (202)-456-1111
Email Us
Search
HomePolitics

Politics

Democrat

Biden to Run in 2036 as Sentient Brain in Jar, Backed by Hunter, Jill, and Google Docs

President Biden has officially become the first U.S. leader to run for office as a sentient brain suspended in government-funded Jell-O.
Buck Drayton -
Republican

Trump Declares Looks-Based Breeding Law—Must Be an 8+ to Bang for America

Trump signs order banning “ugly” couples from procreating. Critics call it shallow; he calls it patriotic.
Jett Monument -
Democrat

Pete Buttigieg Officially Changes Name to “Bootygieg” in Bold Rebrand Aimed at Gen Z

Former Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg rebrands as “Pete Bootygieg” in a bold bid to connect with Gen Z and make infrastructure go viral — one slice of cake at a time.
Jett Monument -
Science

“Female Orgasm a Myth”, Says Trump Administration’s Head of Sexual Education and Wellness

Head of Sexual Education and Wellness, Dr. Randy P. Whetstone, says that the female orgasm is fictional nonsense created by the woke mainstream liberal media to make white men feel bad about themselves.
Morgan Tanner -
Science

RFK Jr.’s Brain Worm Not Actually Dead, Speaks to Him Telepathically About Letting Children Contract Measles

Kennedy's brain worm is alive and ready to dominate the greatest country in the world, starting with Texas, the most anti-vaccinated region in the world.
Morgan Tanner -
Politics

Donald Trump Condemns Hillary Clinton for Accepting Political Gifts While Aboard New Boeing 747 from Kelly Ortberg

President Trump says that his acceptance of planes as gifts are hardly against the Constitution because it was written before planes were invented and therefore are exempt.
Morgan Tanner -
Science

US Secretary of Health Robert F Kennedy Jr. Says “Vaccines Cause Autism but Heroin Builds Character”

RFK Jr. says he doesn't trust the government putting "foreign substances" in his body but if you know where to find "premo Colombian heroin", then that's a different story.
Morgan Tanner -
Politics

Trump Vows to Do Better After Visit from Ghost of Christmas Future that May Have Just Been Mitch McConnell

President Donald Trump says he was told to stop being such a piece of shit by a ghost at his bedside who resembles Republican Senator McConnell (KY).
Morgan Tanner -
Entertainment

RFK Jr. Claims Dragons, Orcs, Elves are “Very Real” After Bumping into Warwick Davis at Downtown Applebee’s

RFK Jr.’s encounter with actor Warwick Davis at a local Applebee's resulted in a declaration that a task force is to look into the existence of mythological beings immediately.
Morgan Tanner -
1...345...7Page 4 of 7
Democrat

Biden to Run in 2036 as Sentient Brain in Jar, Backed by Hunter, Jill, and Google Docs

President Biden has officially become the first U.S. leader to run for office as a sentient brain suspended in government-funded Jell-O.
Buck Drayton -
Republican

Trump Declares Looks-Based Breeding Law—Must Be an 8+ to Bang for America

Trump signs order banning “ugly” couples from procreating. Critics call it shallow; he calls it patriotic.
Jett Monument -
Democrat

Pete Buttigieg Officially Changes Name to “Bootygieg” in Bold Rebrand Aimed at Gen Z

Former Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg rebrands as “Pete Bootygieg” in a bold bid to connect with Gen Z and make infrastructure go viral — one slice of cake at a time.
Jett Monument -
Science

“Female Orgasm a Myth”, Says Trump Administration’s Head of Sexual Education and Wellness

Head of Sexual Education and Wellness, Dr. Randy P. Whetstone, says that the female orgasm is fictional nonsense created by the woke mainstream liberal media to make white men feel bad about themselves.
Morgan Tanner -
Science

RFK Jr.’s Brain Worm Not Actually Dead, Speaks to Him Telepathically About Letting Children Contract Measles

Kennedy's brain worm is alive and ready to dominate the greatest country in the world, starting with Texas, the most anti-vaccinated region in the world.
Morgan Tanner -
Politics

Donald Trump Condemns Hillary Clinton for Accepting Political Gifts While Aboard New Boeing 747 from Kelly Ortberg

President Trump says that his acceptance of planes as gifts are hardly against the Constitution because it was written before planes were invented and therefore are exempt.
Morgan Tanner -
Science

US Secretary of Health Robert F Kennedy Jr. Says “Vaccines Cause Autism but Heroin Builds Character”

RFK Jr. says he doesn't trust the government putting "foreign substances" in his body but if you know where to find "premo Colombian heroin", then that's a different story.
Morgan Tanner -
Politics

Trump Vows to Do Better After Visit from Ghost of Christmas Future that May Have Just Been Mitch McConnell

President Donald Trump says he was told to stop being such a piece of shit by a ghost at his bedside who resembles Republican Senator McConnell (KY).
Morgan Tanner -
Entertainment

RFK Jr. Claims Dragons, Orcs, Elves are “Very Real” After Bumping into Warwick Davis at Downtown Applebee’s

RFK Jr.’s encounter with actor Warwick Davis at a local Applebee's resulted in a declaration that a task force is to look into the existence of mythological beings immediately.
Morgan Tanner -
1...345...7Page 4 of 7
spot_img

Latest News

Republican

Nation Faces Black Printer Ink Shortage as Epstein Files Are Released by Current Administration

The Trump Administration has caused a black ink shortage nationwide at the time of the release of the documentation of the infamous Jeffrey Epstein investigation.
Business

Burger King Rebrands as ‘Burger Queen’ After Royal Fast Food Patron Accused of Visiting Epstein’s Island

The "home of the Whopper" will now have dual meaning after the King of fast food burgers has been accused of illicit behavior on Little St. James, better known as "Epstein Island".
Exclusive

“Five Stars. Would Get Abducted Again,” Says Man Returned By Aliens

Trevor Haskins returned after a week with extraterrestrials, calling the whole thing more vacation than abduction. Officials are baffled, neighbors are uneasy, and he’s already hoping for a return trip.
NEWS

Game to “Boost Morale” While Nation Descends into Chaos

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the federal government remains closed for the 19th consecutive day,...

DISCLAIMER: This website is a parody and purely satirical. Almost nothing here is true. It’s nearly all made up and should not be taken seriously. Any resemblance to real people and events are either coincidental or hilariously intentional.

Subscribe

To get email updates from Today News.

© 2025 Fuck My Asshole News Network. A Fuck My Asshole Company. All Rights Reserved.
FMA News™ & © 2025 Fuck My Asshole News Network.