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Supreme Court to Weigh Constitutionality of C-Sections: “Real Americans Squeeze Through the Canal.”

The Supreme Court will soon decide if only those who took the scenic route through the birth canal deserve U.S. citizenship. Experts warn this could render millions passport-less and force C-section babies to re-enter the womb for processing.

Republicans Have Finalized An Elephant Sized Budget, Includes $30M for “Patriot Pole Dancers” and Classified Alien-Mermaid Hybrid Research

Leaked documents reveal the government’s secret budget includes funds for psychedelic toddler indoctrination, cocaine continuity plans for Congress, and a sex-fueled assassination squad.

Jeffrey Epstein Did Not Commit Suicide, says Trump Administration, “He Tripped and Accidentally Hung Himself”

Jeffrey Epstein did not kill himself but simply slipped, wrapped a sheet around his own neck, accidentally fashioned it into a noose, and mistakenly hung it from the ceiling.

Trump Unveils “Self-Deportation Bonanza” with Free Flights, $50,000 in TrumpBucks, a Timeshare on the Moon, and One Live Bald Eagle Per Participant

President Donald Trump has unveiled Operation Go Big and Go Home, a self-deportation sweepstakes featuring free one-way flights, $50,000 in TrumpBucks, moon timeshares, and live bald eagles.

Tucker Carlson Rants About More Shit That’s Easily Proven False

Heir to the Swanson family fortune, Tucker Carlson continues to lie about everything because "fuck it, I am rich. What does any of this matter?"

Marjorie Taylor Greene Continues Plastic Surgery to Look More Like Baseball Mitt

The most useless representative in America, conspiracy theorist Marjorie Taylor Greene says replacing skin with cowhide leather is the future of beauty.

Bill Clinton Says He Prefers Latinas, Sad to See Them Deported

Hillary Clinton smacks husband Bill on the back of the head at the Democratic National Convention after former President states he loves watching Latinas twerk on TikTok.

Kim Jong Un Wishes Everyone a Happy May 4th, Claims He Will Defeat Evil American Empire

Kim Jong Un wields a light saber in his latest propaganda address to North Korean public, claiming he will single handedly take down the evil galactic empire that is the United States with his "very real, very cool" force powers.

Nancy Pelosi Has Bones Replaced with Adamantium, Promises to Outlive Us All

Nancy Pelosi's age has long since caught up with her. And as her bones begin to turn into dust, she looks to comic book lore for an alternative.

Supreme Court to Weigh Constitutionality of C-Sections: “Real Americans Squeeze Through the Canal.”

The Supreme Court will soon decide if only those who took the scenic route through the birth canal deserve U.S. citizenship. Experts warn this could render millions passport-less and force C-section babies to re-enter the womb for processing.

Republicans Have Finalized An Elephant Sized Budget, Includes $30M for “Patriot Pole Dancers” and Classified Alien-Mermaid Hybrid Research

Leaked documents reveal the government’s secret budget includes funds for psychedelic toddler indoctrination, cocaine continuity plans for Congress, and a sex-fueled assassination squad.

Jeffrey Epstein Did Not Commit Suicide, says Trump Administration, “He Tripped and Accidentally Hung Himself”

Jeffrey Epstein did not kill himself but simply slipped, wrapped a sheet around his own neck, accidentally fashioned it into a noose, and mistakenly hung it from the ceiling.

Trump Unveils “Self-Deportation Bonanza” with Free Flights, $50,000 in TrumpBucks, a Timeshare on the Moon, and One Live Bald Eagle Per Participant

President Donald Trump has unveiled Operation Go Big and Go Home, a self-deportation sweepstakes featuring free one-way flights, $50,000 in TrumpBucks, moon timeshares, and live bald eagles.

Tucker Carlson Rants About More Shit That’s Easily Proven False

Heir to the Swanson family fortune, Tucker Carlson continues to lie about everything because "fuck it, I am rich. What does any of this matter?"

Marjorie Taylor Greene Continues Plastic Surgery to Look More Like Baseball Mitt

The most useless representative in America, conspiracy theorist Marjorie Taylor Greene says replacing skin with cowhide leather is the future of beauty.

Bill Clinton Says He Prefers Latinas, Sad to See Them Deported

Hillary Clinton smacks husband Bill on the back of the head at the Democratic National Convention after former President states he loves watching Latinas twerk on TikTok.

Kim Jong Un Wishes Everyone a Happy May 4th, Claims He Will Defeat Evil American Empire

Kim Jong Un wields a light saber in his latest propaganda address to North Korean public, claiming he will single handedly take down the evil galactic empire that is the United States with his "very real, very cool" force powers.

Nancy Pelosi Has Bones Replaced with Adamantium, Promises to Outlive Us All

Nancy Pelosi's age has long since caught up with her. And as her bones begin to turn into dust, she looks to comic book lore for an alternative.
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Barry Keoghan to Play Ellen DeGeneres in New Biopic “Degenerate”

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“Female Orgasm a Myth”, Says Trump Administration’s Head of Sexual Education and Wellness

Head of Sexual Education and Wellness, Dr. Randy P. Whetstone, says that the female orgasm is fictional nonsense created by the woke mainstream liberal media to make white men feel bad about themselves.

Hilary Duff is Returning to Music After 10 Years, Says Her New Single ‘Heil Hitler’ is Better Than Kanye’s

Disney Channel Original Movie 'My Dog is My Mom' star Hilary Duff says that her song about "Das Führer" is about finding light in the darkness and will uplift the hearts of Agent Cody Banks fans everywhere.

RFK Jr.’s Brain Worm Not Actually Dead, Speaks to Him Telepathically About Letting Children Contract Measles

Kennedy's brain worm is alive and ready to dominate the greatest country in the world, starting with Texas, the most anti-vaccinated region in the world.