Washington, D.C. — House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has announced that she has replaced all of her bones with adamantium, the nearly indestructible metal known for encasing Wolverine’s skeleton. At a press conference, Pelosi confidently declared, “I’m going to outlive all of you. I’ll be here long after you’re all forgotten.”
The procedure, performed by a team of top Marvel Studios surgeons overseen by Kevin Feige, ensures that Pelosi’s physical form is as invulnerable as her political resolve. “I’ve been through impeachment trials and shutdowns,” Pelosi said. “Now, with adamantium bones, I’ll outlast every one of my colleagues and even the entire American political system.”
Senator Ted Cruz expressed concern, “Is she bulletproof now? Should we be worried?” Meanwhile, Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene called for hearings, claiming Pelosi’s new bones gave her an unfair advantage in debates. “What if she crushes her opposition by accident?” Greene questioned. “The Democrats already control the weather!”
Political experts suggest that Pelosi’s move could extend her political career indefinitely. “She’s untouchable now,” said analyst Linda Porter. “She could serve in Congress for as long as she wants.” Pelosi herself seems more interested in holding office while continuing her alleged day trading habits to grow her stock portfolio, something she will no doubt continue for decades to come.
