The Supreme Court will soon decide if only those who took the scenic route through the birth canal deserve U.S. citizenship. Experts warn this could render millions passport-less and force C-section babies to re-enter the womb for processing.

Leaked documents reveal the government’s secret budget includes funds for psychedelic toddler indoctrination, cocaine continuity plans for Congress, and a sex-fueled assassination squad.

Jeffrey Epstein did not kill himself but simply slipped, wrapped a sheet around his own neck, accidentally fashioned it into a noose, and mistakenly hung it from the ceiling.

President Donald Trump has unveiled Operation Go Big and Go Home, a self-deportation sweepstakes featuring free one-way flights, $50,000 in TrumpBucks, moon timeshares, and live bald eagles.

Heir to the Swanson family fortune, Tucker Carlson continues to lie about everything because "fuck it, I am rich. What does any of this matter?"

The most useless representative in America, conspiracy theorist Marjorie Taylor Greene says replacing skin with cowhide leather is the future of beauty.

Lauren Boebert's short-lived relationship with southern comfort expert Kid Rock ends in tragedy as the two duke it out on various social dating apps.

One of the few reasonable Republicans, Mitt Romney proves he is looking forward to death so he can own his own solar system.

The Supreme Court will soon decide if only those who took the scenic route through the birth canal deserve U.S. citizenship. Experts warn this could render millions passport-less and force C-section babies to re-enter the womb for processing.

Leaked documents reveal the government’s secret budget includes funds for psychedelic toddler indoctrination, cocaine continuity plans for Congress, and a sex-fueled assassination squad.

Jeffrey Epstein did not kill himself but simply slipped, wrapped a sheet around his own neck, accidentally fashioned it into a noose, and mistakenly hung it from the ceiling.

President Donald Trump has unveiled Operation Go Big and Go Home, a self-deportation sweepstakes featuring free one-way flights, $50,000 in TrumpBucks, moon timeshares, and live bald eagles.

Heir to the Swanson family fortune, Tucker Carlson continues to lie about everything because "fuck it, I am rich. What does any of this matter?"

The most useless representative in America, conspiracy theorist Marjorie Taylor Greene says replacing skin with cowhide leather is the future of beauty.

Lauren Boebert's short-lived relationship with southern comfort expert Kid Rock ends in tragedy as the two duke it out on various social dating apps.

One of the few reasonable Republicans, Mitt Romney proves he is looking forward to death so he can own his own solar system.