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Donald Trump Tells Xi Jinping: Forget Talks, Let’s Print Cash!

Negotiations reportedly stalled until President Trump sent Xi Jinping a $CHINUS mock-up on Truth Social, captioned: “Trade this, Winnie.” Rather than take offense, Xi stunned his delegation by replying with a GIF of himself as a triumphant Winnie the Pooh flexing on top of a Bitcoin chart.

Mexican Drug Cartels Encourages American Tourism, Promises They Won’t Kidnap or Dismember You

The Mexican drug cartel's criminal organization has taken a firm stance on American tourism and ensures the safety of travelers to help the Mexican economy.

WNBA Experiences Record-Breaking Ticket Sales in Upcoming 2025 Championship After Filling One Full Row of Seats

The WNBA is about to have its biggest audience yet as dozens of tickets are being sold ahead of the upcoming 2025 championship game between the Milwaukee Roosters and the San Antonio Sparkling Ponies.

“George W Bush Throws the Best D.C. Parties”, Says former Epstein Staffer

The last W the United States has seen, George "W" Bush throws one hell of a party. He is also incredible at beer pong despite downing 9 cans of Coors.

Supreme Court to Weigh Constitutionality of C-Sections: “Real Americans Squeeze Through the Canal.”

The Supreme Court will soon decide if only those who took the scenic route through the birth canal deserve U.S. citizenship. Experts warn this could render millions passport-less and force C-section babies to re-enter the womb for processing.

Republicans Have Finalized An Elephant Sized Budget, Includes $30M for “Patriot Pole Dancers” and Classified Alien-Mermaid Hybrid Research

Leaked documents reveal the government’s secret budget includes funds for psychedelic toddler indoctrination, cocaine continuity plans for Congress, and a sex-fueled assassination squad.

Jeffrey Epstein Did Not Commit Suicide, says Trump Administration, “He Tripped and Accidentally Hung Himself”

Jeffrey Epstein did not kill himself but simply slipped, wrapped a sheet around his own neck, accidentally fashioned it into a noose, and mistakenly hung it from the ceiling.

Kanye West Takes Credit For White Theme at Diddy “Freak Off” Party

Kanye West took a break from referring to himself as a "Nazi" and talking about his gay incestuous relationship with his cousin to take credit for the theme of Diddy's controversial "Freak Offs".

Billionaire Jeff Bezos Says No Amount of Money Can Buy Enough Plastic Surgery to Make Fiancée Look Human

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos seems to be on a mission to make his wife look less like a human and more like one of the Muppets.

Donald Trump Tells Xi Jinping: Forget Talks, Let’s Print Cash!

Negotiations reportedly stalled until President Trump sent Xi Jinping a $CHINUS mock-up on Truth Social, captioned: “Trade this, Winnie.” Rather than take offense, Xi stunned his delegation by replying with a GIF of himself as a triumphant Winnie the Pooh flexing on top of a Bitcoin chart.

Mexican Drug Cartels Encourages American Tourism, Promises They Won’t Kidnap or Dismember You

The Mexican drug cartel's criminal organization has taken a firm stance on American tourism and ensures the safety of travelers to help the Mexican economy.

WNBA Experiences Record-Breaking Ticket Sales in Upcoming 2025 Championship After Filling One Full Row of Seats

The WNBA is about to have its biggest audience yet as dozens of tickets are being sold ahead of the upcoming 2025 championship game between the Milwaukee Roosters and the San Antonio Sparkling Ponies.

“George W Bush Throws the Best D.C. Parties”, Says former Epstein Staffer

The last W the United States has seen, George "W" Bush throws one hell of a party. He is also incredible at beer pong despite downing 9 cans of Coors.

Supreme Court to Weigh Constitutionality of C-Sections: “Real Americans Squeeze Through the Canal.”

The Supreme Court will soon decide if only those who took the scenic route through the birth canal deserve U.S. citizenship. Experts warn this could render millions passport-less and force C-section babies to re-enter the womb for processing.

Republicans Have Finalized An Elephant Sized Budget, Includes $30M for “Patriot Pole Dancers” and Classified Alien-Mermaid Hybrid Research

Leaked documents reveal the government’s secret budget includes funds for psychedelic toddler indoctrination, cocaine continuity plans for Congress, and a sex-fueled assassination squad.

Jeffrey Epstein Did Not Commit Suicide, says Trump Administration, “He Tripped and Accidentally Hung Himself”

Jeffrey Epstein did not kill himself but simply slipped, wrapped a sheet around his own neck, accidentally fashioned it into a noose, and mistakenly hung it from the ceiling.

Kanye West Takes Credit For White Theme at Diddy “Freak Off” Party

Kanye West took a break from referring to himself as a "Nazi" and talking about his gay incestuous relationship with his cousin to take credit for the theme of Diddy's controversial "Freak Offs".

Billionaire Jeff Bezos Says No Amount of Money Can Buy Enough Plastic Surgery to Make Fiancée Look Human

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos seems to be on a mission to make his wife look less like a human and more like one of the Muppets.
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Hilary Duff is Returning to Music After 10 Years, Says Her New Single ‘Heil Hitler’ is Better Than Kanye’s

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