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Trump Says 8 Years as President is “Too Young”, More Attracted to 13 Year Term

President Trump is seen holding a cheap Etsy replica of the Nobel Prize with his face on it while rambling about thirteen-year-olds practically being adults.
Morgan Tanner -
Science

Nation’s Children Confirmed to Be Nighttime Demons, Experts Suggest Holy Water and Night-Locks

Children who sleepwalk are one hundred times more likely to make parents shit their pants.
Buck Drayton -
NEWS

Trump Greenlights $200 Million White House Food Court Featuring First-Ever Presidential Chili’s

International relations could soon be served with a side of sizzling fajitas as the White House readies a bold multi-million dollar upgrade focused more on flavor than foreign policy.
Jett Monument -
NEWS

Groundbreaking Study Reveals Men’s Urinal Techniques Fall Into Four Bizarre, Deeply Troubling Categories

New Study Confirms What We All Feared: There Is Absolutely No Normal Way for a Man to Use a Urinal
Buck Drayton -
Business

President Trump Caught Cheating at Monopoly, Changes the Rules to Avoid Going to Jail

Trump reportedly swapped out a stack of Action Cards with Jeffrey Epstein's business cards, allowing the player to get of jail in a single turn by committing suicide.
Morgan Tanner -
World

GOP Pushes New Legislation Lowering Age of Consent to 16, “Considerably Lower” in US Territories

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) says the bill will pass ahead of his planned trip to the Virgin Islands in a completely unrelated pre-scheduled vacation.
Morgan Tanner -
Entertainment

Fox News Rebrands as Liberal Outlet After Trump Backlash, Replaces Entire Lineup with Democrats and Progressives

In an unexpected ideological overhaul, the once far-right-leaning network is embracing a new political direction, leaving longtime viewers stunned and party lines blurred.
Jett Monument -
Politics

Trump Signs Executive Order Allowing Him Entry Into Any Women’s Locker or Changing Room at Any Time

"These locker rooms are supposed to be a safe place. And to keep them safe, I need to be there to stop filthy democrats from walking in whenever they want." -President Trump
Morgan Tanner -
Politics

Trump to Sue ABC, CBS, FOX, NAACP, NHL, The MIB, PBS, S.H.I.E.L.D., WNBA, and Others Amidst Epstein Files Scandal

Trump is furious with all acronyms in the media after they all seemingly report on irrefutable evidence that Trump owned a time share on Epstein Island.
Morgan Tanner -
123...13Page 2 of 13
Politics

Trump Says 8 Years as President is “Too Young”, More Attracted to 13 Year Term

President Trump is seen holding a cheap Etsy replica of the Nobel Prize with his face on it while rambling about thirteen-year-olds practically being adults.
Morgan Tanner -
Science

Nation’s Children Confirmed to Be Nighttime Demons, Experts Suggest Holy Water and Night-Locks

Children who sleepwalk are one hundred times more likely to make parents shit their pants.
Buck Drayton -
NEWS

Trump Greenlights $200 Million White House Food Court Featuring First-Ever Presidential Chili’s

International relations could soon be served with a side of sizzling fajitas as the White House readies a bold multi-million dollar upgrade focused more on flavor than foreign policy.
Jett Monument -
NEWS

Groundbreaking Study Reveals Men’s Urinal Techniques Fall Into Four Bizarre, Deeply Troubling Categories

New Study Confirms What We All Feared: There Is Absolutely No Normal Way for a Man to Use a Urinal
Buck Drayton -
Business

President Trump Caught Cheating at Monopoly, Changes the Rules to Avoid Going to Jail

Trump reportedly swapped out a stack of Action Cards with Jeffrey Epstein's business cards, allowing the player to get of jail in a single turn by committing suicide.
Morgan Tanner -
World

GOP Pushes New Legislation Lowering Age of Consent to 16, “Considerably Lower” in US Territories

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) says the bill will pass ahead of his planned trip to the Virgin Islands in a completely unrelated pre-scheduled vacation.
Morgan Tanner -
Entertainment

Fox News Rebrands as Liberal Outlet After Trump Backlash, Replaces Entire Lineup with Democrats and Progressives

In an unexpected ideological overhaul, the once far-right-leaning network is embracing a new political direction, leaving longtime viewers stunned and party lines blurred.
Jett Monument -
Politics

Trump Signs Executive Order Allowing Him Entry Into Any Women’s Locker or Changing Room at Any Time

"These locker rooms are supposed to be a safe place. And to keep them safe, I need to be there to stop filthy democrats from walking in whenever they want." -President Trump
Morgan Tanner -
Politics

Trump to Sue ABC, CBS, FOX, NAACP, NHL, The MIB, PBS, S.H.I.E.L.D., WNBA, and Others Amidst Epstein Files Scandal

Trump is furious with all acronyms in the media after they all seemingly report on irrefutable evidence that Trump owned a time share on Epstein Island.
Morgan Tanner -
123...13Page 2 of 13
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Republican

Nation Faces Black Printer Ink Shortage as Epstein Files Are Released by Current Administration

The Trump Administration has caused a black ink shortage nationwide at the time of the release of the documentation of the infamous Jeffrey Epstein investigation.
Business

Burger King Rebrands as ‘Burger Queen’ After Royal Fast Food Patron Accused of Visiting Epstein’s Island

The "home of the Whopper" will now have dual meaning after the King of fast food burgers has been accused of illicit behavior on Little St. James, better known as "Epstein Island".
Exclusive

“Five Stars. Would Get Abducted Again,” Says Man Returned By Aliens

Trevor Haskins returned after a week with extraterrestrials, calling the whole thing more vacation than abduction. Officials are baffled, neighbors are uneasy, and he’s already hoping for a return trip.
NEWS

Game to “Boost Morale” While Nation Descends into Chaos

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the federal government remains closed for the 19th consecutive day,...

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