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Man Creates New Religion with AI Chatbot, Accidentally Proves All Other Religions Were Total Horseshit All Along

Local man accidentally creates a wildly popular new religion with an AI chatbot, instantly rendering 4,000 years of human spirituality obsolete
Buck Drayton -
World

Vatican to Franchise Gay Nightclubs with Europa Multiclub, Finally Answers Prayers of Fabulous Faithful

Vatican’s new gay nightclub “Club Sanctus” promises salvation with every strobe light and because even sinners deserve bottle service.
Buck Drayton -
World

Earth Has Needs Too: Planet Reportedly ‘Busted a Nut’ in Hawaii’s Kilauea Eruption

In a fiery display of planetary passion, Earth shamelessly “busted a nut” through Hawaii’s Kilauea volcano, leaving scientists stunned and the Pacific Rim begging for round two.
Buck Drayton -
Business

Ivanka Trump Advocates for Mexican Immigrants, “They Make Better Handbags Than the Chinese”

First Daughter of the United States, Ivanka Trump says we should bring in more Mexican immigrants because their hands are tougher and make better quality products for her luxury handbag line.
Morgan Tanner -
Science

New Surveillance Tech Uses Farts to Identify Individuals, Confirming Once and for All That Whoever Smelt It Did Dealt It

New tech can analyze people’s farts. “It’s like a smelly finger print and everyone’s is different.”
Buck Drayton -
Entertainment

Disney Inc. Says They’ll Proceed with Thawing Walt from Cryostasis, Apparently Satisfied with Success of Nazi Uprising in America

The company says with the rise of fascism, it is time to awaken Führer Walter Adolf Disney and "Make America Goose-step Again".
Morgan Tanner -
World

Pope Leo XIV Threatens to Resign After Only Five Days Because He ‘Can’t Find A Decent Deep Dish In This Goddamn Country’

Pope Leo XIV is considering resignation just five days in, citing not doctrine, but Rome’s tragic lack of Chicago-style deep dish. He called the city’s thin crust a betrayal of both his palate and his faith.
Jett Monument -
Republican

Donald Trump Signs Executive Order to Bring Orange Makeup Manufacturing Back to America

Donald Trump aims his tariff cannon at the world but turns his sights away from Indonesia where they produce the fine orange powder he puts on his face.
Morgan Tanner -
MLB

Shohei Ohtani $700m Contract in Jeopardy After Background Check Reveals True Identity as Korean-American Larry Wilson from Milwaukee

Ohtani says the whole thing is one big multi-million dollar misunderstanding and claims he tried telling people he was born in Wisconsin to South Korean immigrants but no one wanted to listen.
Morgan Tanner -
123Page 2 of 3
Science

Man Creates New Religion with AI Chatbot, Accidentally Proves All Other Religions Were Total Horseshit All Along

Local man accidentally creates a wildly popular new religion with an AI chatbot, instantly rendering 4,000 years of human spirituality obsolete
Buck Drayton -
World

Vatican to Franchise Gay Nightclubs with Europa Multiclub, Finally Answers Prayers of Fabulous Faithful

Vatican’s new gay nightclub “Club Sanctus” promises salvation with every strobe light and because even sinners deserve bottle service.
Buck Drayton -
World

Earth Has Needs Too: Planet Reportedly ‘Busted a Nut’ in Hawaii’s Kilauea Eruption

In a fiery display of planetary passion, Earth shamelessly “busted a nut” through Hawaii’s Kilauea volcano, leaving scientists stunned and the Pacific Rim begging for round two.
Buck Drayton -
Business

Ivanka Trump Advocates for Mexican Immigrants, “They Make Better Handbags Than the Chinese”

First Daughter of the United States, Ivanka Trump says we should bring in more Mexican immigrants because their hands are tougher and make better quality products for her luxury handbag line.
Morgan Tanner -
Science

New Surveillance Tech Uses Farts to Identify Individuals, Confirming Once and for All That Whoever Smelt It Did Dealt It

New tech can analyze people’s farts. “It’s like a smelly finger print and everyone’s is different.”
Buck Drayton -
Entertainment

Disney Inc. Says They’ll Proceed with Thawing Walt from Cryostasis, Apparently Satisfied with Success of Nazi Uprising in America

The company says with the rise of fascism, it is time to awaken Führer Walter Adolf Disney and "Make America Goose-step Again".
Morgan Tanner -
World

Pope Leo XIV Threatens to Resign After Only Five Days Because He ‘Can’t Find A Decent Deep Dish In This Goddamn Country’

Pope Leo XIV is considering resignation just five days in, citing not doctrine, but Rome’s tragic lack of Chicago-style deep dish. He called the city’s thin crust a betrayal of both his palate and his faith.
Jett Monument -
Republican

Donald Trump Signs Executive Order to Bring Orange Makeup Manufacturing Back to America

Donald Trump aims his tariff cannon at the world but turns his sights away from Indonesia where they produce the fine orange powder he puts on his face.
Morgan Tanner -
MLB

Shohei Ohtani $700m Contract in Jeopardy After Background Check Reveals True Identity as Korean-American Larry Wilson from Milwaukee

Ohtani says the whole thing is one big multi-million dollar misunderstanding and claims he tried telling people he was born in Wisconsin to South Korean immigrants but no one wanted to listen.
Morgan Tanner -
123Page 2 of 3
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Republican

Nation Faces Black Printer Ink Shortage as Epstein Files Are Released by Current Administration

The Trump Administration has caused a black ink shortage nationwide at the time of the release of the documentation of the infamous Jeffrey Epstein investigation.
Business

Burger King Rebrands as ‘Burger Queen’ After Royal Fast Food Patron Accused of Visiting Epstein’s Island

The "home of the Whopper" will now have dual meaning after the King of fast food burgers has been accused of illicit behavior on Little St. James, better known as "Epstein Island".
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“Five Stars. Would Get Abducted Again,” Says Man Returned By Aliens

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Game to “Boost Morale” While Nation Descends into Chaos

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