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World

Vatican Elects First U.S. Pope, Leo XIV, Immediately Orders Monster Truck Rally at Colosseum and Declares “Sundays Are for Jesus and Football”

In a historic and wildly American moment, Pope Leo XIV emerged on the balcony in aviators holding a hotdog, as crowds chanted “USA! USA!” and Vatican doves briefly formed the shape of a bald eagle.
Buck Drayton -
Republican

Trump Unveils “Self-Deportation Bonanza” with Free Flights, $50,000 in TrumpBucks, a Timeshare on the Moon, and One Live Bald Eagle Per Participant

President Donald Trump has unveiled Operation Go Big and Go Home, a self-deportation sweepstakes featuring free one-way flights, $50,000 in TrumpBucks, moon timeshares, and live bald eagles.
Buck Drayton -
Republican

Tucker Carlson Rants About More Shit That’s Easily Proven False

Heir to the Swanson family fortune, Tucker Carlson continues to lie about everything because "fuck it, I am rich. What does any of this matter?"
Morgan Tanner -
NHL

Anaheim Ducks Hire Joel Quenneville as Head Coach, Say “Morals Are for Teams That Win”

In a stunning twist that raised eyebrows and blood pressure, the Ducks traded integrity for ambition by naming Joel Quenneville head coach.
Buck Drayton -
NHL

Utah Hockey Club Finally Names Itself the “Utah Mammoth,” Boldly Declares War on Logic, Taste, and the Fossil Record

Utah finally picked a name—the Mammoth—because nothing says hockey like a giant, extinct, ice-age elephant; it’s a fucking dumb name and everyone knows it.
Buck Drayton -
Republican

Marjorie Taylor Greene Continues Plastic Surgery to Look More Like Baseball Mitt

The most useless representative in America, conspiracy theorist Marjorie Taylor Greene says replacing skin with cowhide leather is the future of beauty.
Morgan Tanner -
Democrat

Bill Clinton Says He Prefers Latinas, Sad to See Them Deported

Hillary Clinton smacks husband Bill on the back of the head at the Democratic National Convention after former President states he loves watching Latinas twerk on TikTok.
Morgan Tanner -
Entertainment

Kim Jong Un Wishes Everyone a Happy May 4th, Claims He Will Defeat Evil American Empire

Kim Jong Un wields a light saber in his latest propaganda address to North Korean public, claiming he will single handedly take down the evil galactic empire that is the United States with his "very real, very cool" force powers.
Morgan Tanner -
Democrat

Nancy Pelosi Has Bones Replaced with Adamantium, Promises to Outlive Us All

Nancy Pelosi's age has long since caught up with her. And as her bones begin to turn into dust, she looks to comic book lore for an alternative.
Morgan Tanner -
1...111213Page 12 of 13
World

Vatican Elects First U.S. Pope, Leo XIV, Immediately Orders Monster Truck Rally at Colosseum and Declares “Sundays Are for Jesus and Football”

In a historic and wildly American moment, Pope Leo XIV emerged on the balcony in aviators holding a hotdog, as crowds chanted “USA! USA!” and Vatican doves briefly formed the shape of a bald eagle.
Buck Drayton -
Republican

Trump Unveils “Self-Deportation Bonanza” with Free Flights, $50,000 in TrumpBucks, a Timeshare on the Moon, and One Live Bald Eagle Per Participant

President Donald Trump has unveiled Operation Go Big and Go Home, a self-deportation sweepstakes featuring free one-way flights, $50,000 in TrumpBucks, moon timeshares, and live bald eagles.
Buck Drayton -
Republican

Tucker Carlson Rants About More Shit That’s Easily Proven False

Heir to the Swanson family fortune, Tucker Carlson continues to lie about everything because "fuck it, I am rich. What does any of this matter?"
Morgan Tanner -
NHL

Anaheim Ducks Hire Joel Quenneville as Head Coach, Say “Morals Are for Teams That Win”

In a stunning twist that raised eyebrows and blood pressure, the Ducks traded integrity for ambition by naming Joel Quenneville head coach.
Buck Drayton -
NHL

Utah Hockey Club Finally Names Itself the “Utah Mammoth,” Boldly Declares War on Logic, Taste, and the Fossil Record

Utah finally picked a name—the Mammoth—because nothing says hockey like a giant, extinct, ice-age elephant; it’s a fucking dumb name and everyone knows it.
Buck Drayton -
Republican

Marjorie Taylor Greene Continues Plastic Surgery to Look More Like Baseball Mitt

The most useless representative in America, conspiracy theorist Marjorie Taylor Greene says replacing skin with cowhide leather is the future of beauty.
Morgan Tanner -
Democrat

Bill Clinton Says He Prefers Latinas, Sad to See Them Deported

Hillary Clinton smacks husband Bill on the back of the head at the Democratic National Convention after former President states he loves watching Latinas twerk on TikTok.
Morgan Tanner -
Entertainment

Kim Jong Un Wishes Everyone a Happy May 4th, Claims He Will Defeat Evil American Empire

Kim Jong Un wields a light saber in his latest propaganda address to North Korean public, claiming he will single handedly take down the evil galactic empire that is the United States with his "very real, very cool" force powers.
Morgan Tanner -
Democrat

Nancy Pelosi Has Bones Replaced with Adamantium, Promises to Outlive Us All

Nancy Pelosi's age has long since caught up with her. And as her bones begin to turn into dust, she looks to comic book lore for an alternative.
Morgan Tanner -
1...111213Page 12 of 13
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Republican

Nation Faces Black Printer Ink Shortage as Epstein Files Are Released by Current Administration

The Trump Administration has caused a black ink shortage nationwide at the time of the release of the documentation of the infamous Jeffrey Epstein investigation.
Business

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The "home of the Whopper" will now have dual meaning after the King of fast food burgers has been accused of illicit behavior on Little St. James, better known as "Epstein Island".
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NEWS

Game to “Boost Morale” While Nation Descends into Chaos

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the federal government remains closed for the 19th consecutive day,...

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