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Buck Drayton

15 POSTS
Buckley “Buck” Drayton is a veteran political and business journalist with the jawline of a senator and the skepticism of someone who’s interviewed too many. Known for his blunt takes, no-frills suits, and an uncanny ability to sniff out corporate nonsense from across a boardroom, Buck delivers hard truths with harder stares. If there’s a scandal brewing, Buck’s already sipping his coffee—black, like his outlook on campaign finance reform.
Politics

Supreme Court to Weigh Constitutionality of C-Sections: “Real Americans Squeeze Through the Canal.”

The Supreme Court will soon decide if only those who took the scenic route through the birth canal deserve U.S. citizenship. Experts warn this could render millions passport-less and force C-section babies to re-enter the womb for processing.
Buck Drayton -
Republican

Republicans Have Finalized An Elephant Sized Budget, Includes $30M for “Patriot Pole Dancers” and Classified Alien-Mermaid Hybrid Research

Leaked documents reveal the government’s secret budget includes funds for psychedelic toddler indoctrination, cocaine continuity plans for Congress, and a sex-fueled assassination squad.
Buck Drayton -
World

Vatican Elects First U.S. Pope, Leo XIV, Immediately Orders Monster Truck Rally at Colosseum and Declares “Sundays Are for Jesus and Football”

In a historic and wildly American moment, Pope Leo XIV emerged on the balcony in aviators holding a hotdog, as crowds chanted “USA! USA!” and Vatican doves briefly formed the shape of a bald eagle.
Buck Drayton -
Republican

Trump Unveils “Self-Deportation Bonanza” with Free Flights, $50,000 in TrumpBucks, a Timeshare on the Moon, and One Live Bald Eagle Per Participant

President Donald Trump has unveiled Operation Go Big and Go Home, a self-deportation sweepstakes featuring free one-way flights, $50,000 in TrumpBucks, moon timeshares, and live bald eagles.
Buck Drayton -
NHL

Anaheim Ducks Hire Joel Quenneville as Head Coach, Say “Morals Are for Teams That Win”

In a stunning twist that raised eyebrows and blood pressure, the Ducks traded integrity for ambition by naming Joel Quenneville head coach.
Buck Drayton -
NHL

Utah Hockey Club Finally Names Itself the “Utah Mammoth,” Boldly Declares War on Logic, Taste, and the Fossil Record

Utah finally picked a name—the Mammoth—because nothing says hockey like a giant, extinct, ice-age elephant; it’s a fucking dumb name and everyone knows it.
Buck Drayton -
12Page 2 of 2
Politics

Supreme Court to Weigh Constitutionality of C-Sections: “Real Americans Squeeze Through the Canal.”

The Supreme Court will soon decide if only those who took the scenic route through the birth canal deserve U.S. citizenship. Experts warn this could render millions passport-less and force C-section babies to re-enter the womb for processing.
Buck Drayton -
Republican

Republicans Have Finalized An Elephant Sized Budget, Includes $30M for “Patriot Pole Dancers” and Classified Alien-Mermaid Hybrid Research

Leaked documents reveal the government’s secret budget includes funds for psychedelic toddler indoctrination, cocaine continuity plans for Congress, and a sex-fueled assassination squad.
Buck Drayton -
World

Vatican Elects First U.S. Pope, Leo XIV, Immediately Orders Monster Truck Rally at Colosseum and Declares “Sundays Are for Jesus and Football”

In a historic and wildly American moment, Pope Leo XIV emerged on the balcony in aviators holding a hotdog, as crowds chanted “USA! USA!” and Vatican doves briefly formed the shape of a bald eagle.
Buck Drayton -
Republican

Trump Unveils “Self-Deportation Bonanza” with Free Flights, $50,000 in TrumpBucks, a Timeshare on the Moon, and One Live Bald Eagle Per Participant

President Donald Trump has unveiled Operation Go Big and Go Home, a self-deportation sweepstakes featuring free one-way flights, $50,000 in TrumpBucks, moon timeshares, and live bald eagles.
Buck Drayton -
NHL

Anaheim Ducks Hire Joel Quenneville as Head Coach, Say “Morals Are for Teams That Win”

In a stunning twist that raised eyebrows and blood pressure, the Ducks traded integrity for ambition by naming Joel Quenneville head coach.
Buck Drayton -
NHL

Utah Hockey Club Finally Names Itself the “Utah Mammoth,” Boldly Declares War on Logic, Taste, and the Fossil Record

Utah finally picked a name—the Mammoth—because nothing says hockey like a giant, extinct, ice-age elephant; it’s a fucking dumb name and everyone knows it.
Buck Drayton -
12Page 2 of 2

Breaking

“Female Orgasm a Myth”, Says Trump Administration’s Head of Sexual Education and Wellness

Science 0
Head of Sexual Education and Wellness, Dr. Randy P. Whetstone, says that the female orgasm is fictional nonsense created by the woke mainstream liberal media to make white men feel bad about themselves.

Hilary Duff is Returning to Music After 10 Years, Says Her New Single ‘Heil Hitler’ is Better Than Kanye’s

Entertainment 0
Disney Channel Original Movie 'My Dog is My Mom' star Hilary Duff says that her song about "Das Führer" is about finding light in the darkness and will uplift the hearts of Agent Cody Banks fans everywhere.

RFK Jr.’s Brain Worm Not Actually Dead, Speaks to Him Telepathically About Letting Children Contract Measles

Science 0
Kennedy's brain worm is alive and ready to dominate the greatest country in the world, starting with Texas, the most anti-vaccinated region in the world.

Marvel Renames Thunderbolts* to ‘Marvel’s Leftovers’, Stunned to Learn People Will Watch Literally Anything

Entertainment 0
Marvel has rebranded Thunderbolts* as Marvel’s Leftovers, and audiences are still buying tickets. Apparently, all it takes is a logo and Florence Pugh.

DISCLAIMER: This website is a parody and purely satirical. Almost nothing here is true. It’s nearly all made up and should not be taken seriously. Any resemblance to real people and events are either coincidental or hilariously intentional.

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