WASHINGTON D.C. — President Donald Trump has unleashed yet another late-night tirade on Truth Social this Thursday, once again insisting he had almost nothing to do with Jeffrey Epstein, despite ironically incriminating himself even further.
“Why is everyone always only asking me about the Epstein List,” Trump posted around midnight, as if the internet were a nosy neighbor peeking into his backyard. “I barely knew the guy. We went to the same tailor, the same barber, dated the same women, but not much else.”
Critics were quick to point out that most people’s definition of “barely knowing someone” doesn’t typically include swapping grooming professionals and romantic partners like they’re Pokémon cards. But in Trump’s world, Epstein was apparently just another guy he happened to see at the tailors, probably while both requested discreet inner jacket pockets to hide pills in.
Trump didn’t stop there. In classic form, he deflected toward his favorite target to point fingers at: “You know who you should ask about Epstein? The corrupt Clintons. Bill was there, too. But no one wants to talk about that.”
That little “too” did not go unnoticed. The word “too” implies inclusion, as in “I was there, and so was Bill.” It’s a strange slip for a man who swears he barely knew Epstein and never set foot on the island. If Trump truly had no involvement, then why lump himself into the same sentence like he’s RSVPing to a party he claims he didn’t attend? For someone who insists he’s not on the guest list, he sure sounds like he remembers the seating chart.
Observers noted that “Bill Clinton did it” has become a catch-all excuse rolled out whenever inconvenient facts pop up. And while Trump insists his connection to Epstein was superficial, many Americans can’t help but notice that his definition of “not much else” sounds suspiciously like “quite a lot, actually.”
For now, the Epstein List remains sealed, the Clintons remain unbothered, and Trump remains awake at ungodly hours yelling into his phone about barbers, tailors, and women he “barely” shared with a man he swears he “barely” knew that holds the Guinness World Records for being the largest pedophile in human history.
