WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a shocking twist that has historians scrambling and conspiracy theorists foaming at the mouth with validation, newly declassified JFK assassination files released by the Trump administration reveal what may be the most explosive secret in American history: Lee Harvey Oswald wasn’t trying to kill President John F. Kennedy — he was trying to save the world from the worm inside his brain.

According to the documents, buried deep within a vault ominously labeled “Operation NoodleMind,” JFK had been overtaken by a highly intelligent parasitic brain worm believed to have been acquired during a diplomatic hot tub summit with French scientists in 1961. The worm, known in the files as “Entity X-13 (Codename: Wormmander)”, allegedly took over strategic control of JFK’s cerebral cortex by early 1962.

“He started calling the moon ‘the great fertile dome’ and referred to Werner von Braun as ‘his royal worm-whisperer,’” claimed former aide Curtis Blanch, whose quote appears alongside a handwritten CIA note that simply reads: “verify he’s not high.”

The worm’s plot, according to a memo titled “Lunar Hatch Phase”, involved hijacking NASA’s Apollo program to launch a missile disguised as a satellite into orbit, filled with genetically engineered worm eggs. Once deployed, the eggs would rain down over Earth and burrow into the brains of every man, woman, and child — initiating what the files call “The Great Squirming.”

“It was going to be a planetary infestation,” said conspiracy researcher Ray Chadwick.“The worms would take control of all human thought and turn us into a species of soft-bodied diplomacy noodles. And JFK was gonna be their worm king.”

According to a transcript from a 1963 White House dinner, First Lady Jackie Kennedy is quoted as whispering to a guest, “Jack hasn’t blinked in three days and keeps mumbling in Latin about a ‘sky harvest.’ Also, he’s been leaving trails of slime in the Lincoln Bedroom.”

Vice President Lyndon B. Johnson allegedly began carrying garlic and ivermectin, an industrial-strength dewormer that wasn’t know to the public until 1975, in his suit pocket. Secretary of Defense Robert McNamara once tackled JFK mid-speech after he began levitating slightly and chanting, “All hail the larval dawn!”

Enter Lee Harvey Oswald — formerly seen as a disgruntled Marxist, now revealed as the last line of defense against invertebrate domination. According to the files, Oswald had infiltrated the Dallas Book Depository with one goal: to stop the worm before it activated the launch codes.

“Oswald realized the missile would be ready in less than 48 hours,” the file reads. “He believed the only way to stop the worm was to take out the host.”

Though vilified for decades, Oswald is now being rebranded by some historians as “The Wormslayer.”

“Turns out he wasn’t a communist — he was a parasiticide,” said National Archives intern Kyle Prentiss. “I mean, yeah, the guy was weird, but when the choice is one man or seven billion worm hosts, I get it.”

Calls have already begun to posthumously award Oswald the Presidential Medal of Freedom, while others are lobbying to rename NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory the Oswald Center for Planetary Worm Defense.

In an ironic twist, a leaked CIA addendum to the file claims the brain worm may have survived the assassination and fled the scene, possibly hitching a ride on Air Force One clinging to the underside of one of Vice President Johnson’s dogs.

Theorists later learned Johnson frequently walked his dogs near Rock Creek in Washington D.C. and it is now theorized that “Entity X-13” might have found a breading ground for his plan to still take over the world in this creek. The very same creek a young RFK Jr. frequented as a child.

Whether true or not, one thing is certain: history books may need a serious rewrite.

“JFK was one of our greatest presidents,” said retired Secret Service agent Herb Milner, “but by the end, he kept looking at people and whispering, ‘You’ll make a fine nursery.’ Something was definitely off.”

And as for Oswald? His final words may never be known, but a scribbled note found in his apartment reads simply:

“I shot the host. You’re welcome.”