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NBA

Jason Tatum Out for Remainder of Playoffs After Suffering Catastrophic Injury During Layup Attempt

Jayson Tatum is out of the playoffs after his vagina spontaneously combusted during a mildly contested layup.
Buck Drayton -
NFL

NFL Raking In So Much Cash, Officials Say “Screw It, Give CTE a Sponsorship Deal”

The NFL, now so wildly profitable it defies ethics and gravity, has decided to tackle the CTE crisis by branding it, sponsoring it, and possibly turning it into a halftime show.
Buck Drayton -
NBA

Dallas Mavericks Land #1 Pick After Trading Luka Dončić to Lakers, Involving “Deeply Inappropriate” Acts by Front Office

The Mavericks somehow landed the No. 1 pick after GM Nico Harrison allegedly did unspeakable things and Mark Cuban summoned dark billionaire magic.
Buck Drayton -
MLB

Shohei Ohtani $700m Contract in Jeopardy After Background Check Reveals True Identity as Korean-American Larry Wilson from Milwaukee

Ohtani says the whole thing is one big multi-million dollar misunderstanding and claims he tried telling people he was born in Wisconsin to South Korean immigrants but no one wanted to listen.
Morgan Tanner -
MLB

Baseball Still Too Long and Boring, League Considers “Mild Electrocution” to Spice Things Up

MLB eyes wild changes—like stripping, shock collars, and fan-controlled drones—to make baseball less of a televised nap.
Buck Drayton -
Sports

WNBA Experiences Record-Breaking Ticket Sales in Upcoming 2025 Championship After Filling One Full Row of Seats

The WNBA is about to have its biggest audience yet as dozens of tickets are being sold ahead of the upcoming 2025 championship game between the Milwaukee Roosters and the San Antonio Sparkling Ponies.
Morgan Tanner -
NHL

Anaheim Ducks Hire Joel Quenneville as Head Coach, Say “Morals Are for Teams That Win”

In a stunning twist that raised eyebrows and blood pressure, the Ducks traded integrity for ambition by naming Joel Quenneville head coach.
Buck Drayton -
NHL

Utah Hockey Club Finally Names Itself the “Utah Mammoth,” Boldly Declares War on Logic, Taste, and the Fossil Record

Utah finally picked a name—the Mammoth—because nothing says hockey like a giant, extinct, ice-age elephant; it’s a fucking dumb name and everyone knows it.
Buck Drayton -
NBA

Jason Tatum Out for Remainder of Playoffs After Suffering Catastrophic Injury During Layup Attempt

Jayson Tatum is out of the playoffs after his vagina spontaneously combusted during a mildly contested layup.
Buck Drayton -
NFL

NFL Raking In So Much Cash, Officials Say “Screw It, Give CTE a Sponsorship Deal”

The NFL, now so wildly profitable it defies ethics and gravity, has decided to tackle the CTE crisis by branding it, sponsoring it, and possibly turning it into a halftime show.
Buck Drayton -
NBA

Dallas Mavericks Land #1 Pick After Trading Luka Dončić to Lakers, Involving “Deeply Inappropriate” Acts by Front Office

The Mavericks somehow landed the No. 1 pick after GM Nico Harrison allegedly did unspeakable things and Mark Cuban summoned dark billionaire magic.
Buck Drayton -
MLB

Shohei Ohtani $700m Contract in Jeopardy After Background Check Reveals True Identity as Korean-American Larry Wilson from Milwaukee

Ohtani says the whole thing is one big multi-million dollar misunderstanding and claims he tried telling people he was born in Wisconsin to South Korean immigrants but no one wanted to listen.
Morgan Tanner -
MLB

Baseball Still Too Long and Boring, League Considers “Mild Electrocution” to Spice Things Up

MLB eyes wild changes—like stripping, shock collars, and fan-controlled drones—to make baseball less of a televised nap.
Buck Drayton -
Sports

WNBA Experiences Record-Breaking Ticket Sales in Upcoming 2025 Championship After Filling One Full Row of Seats

The WNBA is about to have its biggest audience yet as dozens of tickets are being sold ahead of the upcoming 2025 championship game between the Milwaukee Roosters and the San Antonio Sparkling Ponies.
Morgan Tanner -
NHL

Anaheim Ducks Hire Joel Quenneville as Head Coach, Say “Morals Are for Teams That Win”

In a stunning twist that raised eyebrows and blood pressure, the Ducks traded integrity for ambition by naming Joel Quenneville head coach.
Buck Drayton -
NHL

Utah Hockey Club Finally Names Itself the “Utah Mammoth,” Boldly Declares War on Logic, Taste, and the Fossil Record

Utah finally picked a name—the Mammoth—because nothing says hockey like a giant, extinct, ice-age elephant; it’s a fucking dumb name and everyone knows it.
Buck Drayton -
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Latest News

Entertainment

Barry Keoghan to Play Ellen DeGeneres in New Biopic “Degenerate”

DeGeneres says Keoghan's performance as Joker in Matt Reeves' The Batman sold her on him taking the role of her life.
Science

“Female Orgasm a Myth”, Says Trump Administration’s Head of Sexual Education and Wellness

Head of Sexual Education and Wellness, Dr. Randy P. Whetstone, says that the female orgasm is fictional nonsense created by the woke mainstream liberal media to make white men feel bad about themselves.
Entertainment

Hilary Duff is Returning to Music After 10 Years, Says Her New Single ‘Heil Hitler’ is Better Than Kanye’s

Disney Channel Original Movie 'My Dog is My Mom' star Hilary Duff says that her song about "Das Führer" is about finding light in the darkness and will uplift the hearts of Agent Cody Banks fans everywhere.
Science

RFK Jr.’s Brain Worm Not Actually Dead, Speaks to Him Telepathically About Letting Children Contract Measles

Kennedy's brain worm is alive and ready to dominate the greatest country in the world, starting with Texas, the most anti-vaccinated region in the world.

DISCLAIMER: This website is a parody and purely satirical. Almost nothing here is true. It’s nearly all made up and should not be taken seriously. Any resemblance to real people and events are either coincidental or hilariously intentional.

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