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Buck Drayton

33 POSTS
Buckley “Buck” Drayton is a veteran political and business journalist with the jawline of a senator and the skepticism of someone who’s interviewed too many. Known for his blunt takes, no-frills suits, and an uncanny ability to sniff out corporate nonsense from across a boardroom, Buck delivers hard truths with harder stares. If there’s a scandal brewing, Buck’s already sipping his coffee—black, like his outlook on campaign finance reform.
Politics

Brain Worm: The Kennedy Parasite Chronicles: Chapter 2 of 3: “Echoes from Dealey Plaza”

New JFK files reveal Oswald stopped a brain-wormed JFK from launching a world-infecting parasite attack.
Buck Drayton -
World

Vatican to Franchise Gay Nightclubs with Europa Multiclub, Finally Answers Prayers of Fabulous Faithful

Vatican’s new gay nightclub “Club Sanctus” promises salvation with every strobe light and because even sinners deserve bottle service.
Buck Drayton -
World

Earth Has Needs Too: Planet Reportedly ‘Busted a Nut’ in Hawaii’s Kilauea Eruption

In a fiery display of planetary passion, Earth shamelessly “busted a nut” through Hawaii’s Kilauea volcano, leaving scientists stunned and the Pacific Rim begging for round two.
Buck Drayton -
Politics

Brain Worm: The Kennedy Parasite Chronicles: Chapter 1 of 3: “The Creek Awakens“

One swim in a toxic creek as a child, and RFK Jr. left with a brain worm and a lifelong Wednesday ritual.
Buck Drayton -
Science

New Surveillance Tech Uses Farts to Identify Individuals, Confirming Once and for All That Whoever Smelt It Did Dealt It

New tech can analyze people’s farts. “It’s like a smelly finger print and everyone’s is different.”
Buck Drayton -
Business

Tesla Owners Officially Declared Enemies of the State; Arrests Begin Immediately: Trump says “Get Them!”

“Nationwide Crackdown Begins as Tesla Owners Rounded Up for Crimes of Excessive Smugness and Driving Silent Cars Too Loudly”
Buck Drayton -
Democrat

Biden to Run in 2036 as Sentient Brain in Jar, Backed by Hunter, Jill, and Google Docs

President Biden has officially become the first U.S. leader to run for office as a sentient brain suspended in government-funded Jell-O.
Buck Drayton -
Science

Dream Adultery Epidemic Rocks Suburban America; Husbands Confused, Wives Enraged Over Affairs That Never Happened

“Through tears and confusion, wives demand justice for dream betrayals while husbands apologize for imaginary trysts they swear they never subconsciously committed.”
Buck Drayton -
Science

Study Finds White Men Begin Morphing Into Pickup Truck-Loving Republicans at 37, Fueled by Whiskey, Taxes, and Morgan Wallen

Some victims of the transformation even report wardrobe changes happening subconsciously.
Buck Drayton -
1234Page 2 of 4
Politics

Brain Worm: The Kennedy Parasite Chronicles: Chapter 2 of 3: “Echoes from Dealey Plaza”

New JFK files reveal Oswald stopped a brain-wormed JFK from launching a world-infecting parasite attack.
Buck Drayton -
World

Vatican to Franchise Gay Nightclubs with Europa Multiclub, Finally Answers Prayers of Fabulous Faithful

Vatican’s new gay nightclub “Club Sanctus” promises salvation with every strobe light and because even sinners deserve bottle service.
Buck Drayton -
World

Earth Has Needs Too: Planet Reportedly ‘Busted a Nut’ in Hawaii’s Kilauea Eruption

In a fiery display of planetary passion, Earth shamelessly “busted a nut” through Hawaii’s Kilauea volcano, leaving scientists stunned and the Pacific Rim begging for round two.
Buck Drayton -
Politics

Brain Worm: The Kennedy Parasite Chronicles: Chapter 1 of 3: “The Creek Awakens“

One swim in a toxic creek as a child, and RFK Jr. left with a brain worm and a lifelong Wednesday ritual.
Buck Drayton -
Science

New Surveillance Tech Uses Farts to Identify Individuals, Confirming Once and for All That Whoever Smelt It Did Dealt It

New tech can analyze people’s farts. “It’s like a smelly finger print and everyone’s is different.”
Buck Drayton -
Business

Tesla Owners Officially Declared Enemies of the State; Arrests Begin Immediately: Trump says “Get Them!”

“Nationwide Crackdown Begins as Tesla Owners Rounded Up for Crimes of Excessive Smugness and Driving Silent Cars Too Loudly”
Buck Drayton -
Democrat

Biden to Run in 2036 as Sentient Brain in Jar, Backed by Hunter, Jill, and Google Docs

President Biden has officially become the first U.S. leader to run for office as a sentient brain suspended in government-funded Jell-O.
Buck Drayton -
Science

Dream Adultery Epidemic Rocks Suburban America; Husbands Confused, Wives Enraged Over Affairs That Never Happened

“Through tears and confusion, wives demand justice for dream betrayals while husbands apologize for imaginary trysts they swear they never subconsciously committed.”
Buck Drayton -
Science

Study Finds White Men Begin Morphing Into Pickup Truck-Loving Republicans at 37, Fueled by Whiskey, Taxes, and Morgan Wallen

Some victims of the transformation even report wardrobe changes happening subconsciously.
Buck Drayton -
1234Page 2 of 4

Breaking

Burger King Rebrands as ‘Burger Queen’ After Royal Fast Food Patron Accused of Visiting Epstein’s Island

Business 0
The "home of the Whopper" will now have dual meaning after the King of fast food burgers has been accused of illicit behavior on Little St. James, better known as "Epstein Island".

“Five Stars. Would Get Abducted Again,” Says Man Returned By Aliens

Exclusive 0
Trevor Haskins returned after a week with extraterrestrials, calling the whole thing more vacation than abduction. Officials are baffled, neighbors are uneasy, and he’s already hoping for a return trip.

Game to “Boost Morale” While Nation Descends into Chaos

NEWS 0
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the federal government remains closed...

AMC Introduces New “Bedflix Bangers” Featuring Full Beds for Guests Who Can’t Wait to Ruin Movies with Sex

Entertainment 0
AMC revolutionizes moviegoing with new Cine-Suites—plush beds replacing seats—so guests can finally get freaky without fighting an armrest.

DISCLAIMER: This website is a parody and purely satirical. Almost nothing here is true. It’s nearly all made up and should not be taken seriously. Any resemblance to real people and events are either coincidental or hilariously intentional.

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