Welcome to Fuck My Asshole News (FMA News, FMAN), the internet’s least reliable source for news, views, and questionable life choices. If you’re looking for truth, facts, or even mildly accurate reporting, you’re absolutely in the wrong place.
This website is a work of pure satire, parody, and nonsense — and we proudly stand by our commitment to deliberately misinform you for comedic purposes only. In other words, everything you read here is made up. All of it. Every word. We don’t even trust our own headlines, and we wrote them.
What We Do
At Fuck My Asshole News, we bravely tackle the big issues of the day: politics, media, culture, and which snack food best represents the U.S. Senate. Our team of undercaffeinated contributors works tirelessly to bring you the kind of hard-hitting, low-effort mockery that would make even the most jaded political operative say, “Wait, what?”
We’re not trying to change the world — we’re trying to make it laugh at itself (and sometimes cry, depending on how dark the joke is).
Legal Mumbo Jumbo (But Seriously)
Let’s be perfectly clear:
This site is fake. It’s a joke. It’s parody. It is not real news, and it should not be mistaken for real news by anyone, under any circumstances, especially if your name rhymes with “Lindsey,” “Ron,” “Marjorie,” or “Elon.”
Any resemblance to real people, living or undead, is entirely coincidental, deeply unfortunate, or done in obvious jest. We are not affiliated with any political party, media conglomerate, shadow government, reptilian overlord, or late-night talk show host. We don’t claim to be journalists, because we’re not — and honestly, that’s probably for the best.
So Why Are We Here?
Because satire is a mirror: sometimes cracked, often smudged, occasionally on fire — but always reflecting the absurdity of modern life, politics, and the 24-hour news cycle. We exist to poke fun, burst bubbles, and remind everyone not to take the clowns running the circus too seriously.
If you read something here and think, “Wow, that can’t be real,” congratulations — you’re getting it.
If you read something here and think, “I should share this as real news,” please log off immediately and take a long walk. Maybe touch some grass.
Final Disclaimer (Because Lawyers Are Expensive)
This website is intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not publish factual information. We are not liable for any confusion, outrage, or conspiracy theories you develop while reading our content. If you try to sue us, we’ll probably just write an article about it — and make you look very silly in the process.
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FMA News operates under the protection of satire and parody, which are generally protected forms of speech in the U.S. under the First Amendment. The key reasons we can get away with it are:
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Clear Satire: FMA News’ content is obviously absurd and intended to be humorous. Satirical articles are a form of commentary or criticism that is recognized as exaggerated and fictional. The obvious nature of the satire makes it clear to readers (unless you are from the Midwest) that none of this is true.
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Parody Law: FMA News parodies real-life situations, events, or public figures. Parody, which involves imitating or making fun of something in a way that transforms it for comedic effect, is generally protected by U.S. copyright law and freedom of speech.
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Freedom of Speech: As a media outlet in the U.S., FMA News is protected by the First Amendment, which ensures that people and organizations can express opinions and ideas, even if they are satirical or exaggerated, without fear of legal repercussions.
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No Intent to Harm: Satire like FMA News’ usually doesn’t have the intent to harm or cause real-world damage in a way that could be grounds for a lawsuit. It’s seen as artistic expression rather than malicious intent.
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Disclaimers: While it’s generally obvious that FMA News is fake news, we sometimes include disclaimers or indirect cues that further clarify our satirical intent, though this shouldn’t always be necessary.
Because of these factors, while some people might take offense to our content or misunderstand it, FMA News is just a giant parody of mainstream media. Now stop bitching.
– The Fuck My Asshole News Team
Putting the “why?” in “news” since 2025
